


Better Best Forgotten

by Theogon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theogon/pseuds/Theogon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After six years of serving King Arthur, Merlin decides that he should be the one to be served, if only for a night. Unbeknown to Merlin, his actions will have massive consequences that could bring Camelot down and destroy his King.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin should have expected the shoe to hit him as soon as he walked through the door. Arthur was angry enough when Merlin was five minutes late, but to have been missing for a whole day was inexcusable.

“Merlin, where the hell have you been?” The golden-haired King yelled at his servant, his face red with rage as he rose from his chair and strode towards him. “I am King of Camelot, I expect my servant to be by my side at all times. Do you understand?”

Merlin mumbled something by way of an apology, but Arthur was mid-rant now, pacing in front of his servant, dangerously close.

“I had to do my own armour, run my own bath, and ask Gwen to fetch me my food! I couldn't ask for another page because I’d lost mine – I’d be a laughing stock! How would I be expected to control an army when I can’t even control my own servant? The Queen of Camelot fetching food like a common scullery maid… You've gone too far this time Merlin. How am I meant to cope for two days without my manservant?”

Merlin perked up, as he always did when he spotted an opportunity to prove Arthur wrong.

“Two days? I was only gone for one, sire.” He said, calmly, wondering as the words left his mouth whether his quip was worth it.

“That’s because you’ll be spending tomorrow in the stocks, Merlin.” Arthur shouted. Then, with a slight smile on his face, he continued, “that’s after you do all the chores you missed today.”

 _Damn it,_ Merlin thought, _although, there was nothing I could have done to avoid that._

“But pray tell Merlin, what was so important that you had to abandon your King for a whole day? Did the tavern have a special offer on? Free drinks for clot heads?” Arthur’s rage had seemed to fade now, replaced with a seething anger and that sarcastic smirk that Merlin found so attractive.

“No, my Grace. I couldn't tell you what I was doing anyway. I'm sure you wouldn't be interested, you’d mock me for a while, and then I’d be sent to do your chores. So let’s cut out the middle bit.” Merlin’s heart began to beat. It was all part of the plan, he’d done everything he was supposed to, but it was only now he’d realised the enormity of the risk he was about to take, the danger that faced him should he fail.

“Oh, am I, your King, not worthy enough to hear how you spend your day? Or is it that I wouldn't be intelligent enough to understand? Do you think I'm an idiot, Merlin?”

The temptation to reply with a simple ‘yes’ was almost too much for Merlin to resist, but somehow he managed to beat that particular desire down.

“No sire, of course not.”

“Then where were you?”

“Nowhere sire, I was just helping Gaius with some chores. I’d forgotten that you required my service today, and -.”

“ – YOU HAD FORGOTTEN?” Arthur shouted, lifting Merlin and pinning him against the wall. Merlin, although shorter than Arthur, was now at eye level with the King. He could feel his semi-erection begin to grow stiffer, he could feel the blood begin to pump and desire grip him.

 _It’s only a matter of seconds before he’ll be able to feel it pressing against his stomach_ Merlin realised with horror. He had to change the topic of conversation, and quickly.

“But I remembered that you were hosting the ball for Lord Kinsley, and I came as quickly as I could.” Merlin said, his words nothing really more than a rapid stream of noises. Somehow, luckily, Arthur managed to understand what he meant, as he dropped his servant just in time.

“The ball! Yes, no time for delay. Kinsley doesn't like me at the best of times, we can’t keep him waiting or the bastard will probably rebel. Quickly, Merlin, undress me.”

As always, Merlin’s heart began to pound at that command. Yes, undressing Arthur was a perk of the job, but his luck was often eclipsed by his nervousness – surely Arthur could hear his heart beating rapidly, or see the new bulge in Merlin’s trousers? _Still, I've not been caught out so far, and it’ll hardly matter tonight._

Merlin set to his task as he always did, slowly but eagerly. His hands made quick work of the outer coat Arthur wore in the winter, and the reinforced leather jacket that he’d taken to wearing since the attempt on his life a few weeks ago. Now, the King was left in his light woven shirt, his trousers and shoes. Merlin knelt down and untied the King’s laces, gripping Arthur’s calf as he gently pulled the shoes off. Standing up, Merlin lifted the shirt over the King’s head, revealing a set of defined abs followed by two perfect pecs, all retaining a golden tan from the unusually hot summer. Merlin’s cock was throbbing harder than his heart now, and he had to use the shirt he was folded to hide his bugle, as he snook furtive looks at the perfect man before him.

_He really doesn't know how he makes me feel, does he? He really doesn't know that I've spent every night in the past 6 years of serving him wanking myself silly over his muscular body, his beautiful arse and his perfect face. He doesn't know how long I've waited just to kiss him, to taste him, to have him in me._ Merlin’s distraction at his own train of thought had not gone unnoticed.

“Merlin, don’t just stand there. I'm not ready yet!”

“Can’t you undress yourself, sire?” Merlin replied, hoping the sarcasm would distract Arthur from the fact he had been staring at him.

“Undress myself?!” Arthur yelled, “Everything I've done today has been by myself, remember? Consider this part of your punishment. Now hurry up, I do not want to be late.”

Merlin thought it was best not to push Arthur further – anyway, delaying now only delayed the plan, which Merlin was more than eager to set in motion. He stepped behind Arthur, as he always did, and reached around to unfasten the buckle of the trousers. He dropped the trousers to the floor to allow Arthur to step out, and then turned to place them in his laundry basket. The image of Arthur’s arse as he stepped out of the pants would have been the material he used for his wank tonight, if this was any other day.

“Merlin!” The wizard’s first thought was the Arthur had somehow managed to read his mind, that he knew how he felt about his King and what he had in store for him later. “I still have my socks on.” Merlin sighed with relief as he turned to face the King.

“Are you serious? You can’t take your own socks off?” Merlin asked, hoping the answer was ‘no’.

“No.” Arthur replied. “Punishment, remember? Socks.”

Merlin stood face to face with Arthur, then after a beat that seemed like an eternity, slowly knelt down. Repeating his action with the shoes he grasped Arthur’s right calf with his left hand, and lightly lifted his leg. He was suddenly aware that his head was on level with Arthur’s crotch. He could smell the mixture of sweat and ‘Arthur’, powerful and arousing, making his body yearn for more. He realised he could see the outline of Arthur’s penis though his underwear.

_Either he’s half erect now, or the Queen’s a lucky girl._

Merlin longed to just move the inch forward and envelop the King’s penis in his mouth, taste Arthur’s skin and sweat, to make the King moan with pleasure and beg for more, to make him scream Merlin’s name at the top of his lungs as he released his load. Instead, he took off his sock.

Merlin didn't bother to even hide the fact he was staring at the royal bulge as he swapped over legs. He could feel his breathing getting heavier and his own pre-cum start to rub against his pants. _Soon there will be a damp patch and the secret will be_ _out, not that it matters._ After removing the second sock, Merlin stood back and looked at the King. All that stood between Arthur and nudity was a tight pair of white boxers, the top of which hugged his abs almost as tightly as they hugged his muscular legs. In between, the bulge Merlin noticed earlier seemed to be bigger from a distance. _It’s time. I want him._

“Merlin, get my robes for the ball. I think I’ll wear the purple ones -”

“No.” Merlin replied, the earlier calmness now returned. The plan would work… it’d have to. Otherwise, Merlin would be dead come tomorrow. Simple.

“No? Who do you –”

For once, Merlin made Arthur shut up. All it took was a raise of his hand. In it was the potion Merlin had spent all day brewing, all week planning and all month thinking about.

“No. Arthur, you’re perfect. You’re fucking perfect. I look at you standing there and I just want you. I want you to be kissing me, sucking me, fucking me. I want you to be running your hands over my body and saying that you love me. I want you to be kissing my ear, feeling my arse, licking my balls. I want to feel your skin on mine, our dicks pressed against our bodies, our sweat mixing. I know you’ll never want me like I want you, you’d never choose me like I've chosen you. So, after these six years where you've teased me, abused me, demanded from me more than you've demanded from anyone else, I'm taking one night to myself. Tonight, you’re mine Arthur – and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Merlin’s eyes shone that bight golden colour that gave away his magical secret. Arthur let out a yelp as he felt himself lose control of his body. Every action he made now was because Merlin let him – for the first time in his life he was restricted. No king should have to be tied up, regardless of whether the chains were visible or not. Arthur felt his body walk over to Merlin, who suddenly looked so different now – he seemed taller, wiser, darker. He seemed to be filled with power, real power, no longer a servant but a man equal to knights and kings and gods. Arthur felt his hands reach up and cup Merlin’s face, the soft skin cold to his touch, and then his head slowly moved forward until their lips brushed. Then it was Arthur who pushed himself against the wizard, his mind crying out to stop, fighting to regain control of his own body. The two kissed like ferocious lovers who would never see one another again, Merlin’s hands running over Arthur’s toned body, the left hand settling on his arse, slipping under the underwear and the right hand in his hair, pushing the King’s head towards his own. When finally Merlin needed to breathe, he made Arthur step back.

“How long?” Arthur asked, momentarily breaking Merlin’s spell. His anger had changed to bemusement. Perhaps this was all a dream, he’d wake up in an hour and find himself late for the ball, with Merlin still in the tavern.

“All six years.” Merlin replied. Arthur said nothing else, but gave a small nod – a nod that almost said ‘ _I understand’._

Merlin fell to his knees, once again face to face with Arthur’s bulge. With no hesitation, he pulled down the boxers and saw that the Queen was indeed a very lucky woman. Opening his mouth, Merlin took it all in. He sucked and kissed Arthur’s balls before lightly licking the penis, whilst running his hands up and down the King’s legs, like a prisoner behind bars. Pausing for a few seconds Merlin felt Arthur’s cock harden, reacting to the touch of Merlin’s tongue, until it could be felt pushing up on his chin.

Merlin took it all in his mouth, in one moment working the head with his tongue, the next forcing his mouth to cover the base – no mean feat with a cock as big as Arthur’s – and he loved every minute. Suddenly, he could taste Arthur’s pre-cum, the taste sending surges of lust through the wizard’s body. Almost in response to this, Merlin’s hands move up to the King’s muscular, rounded arse as Arthur put his hands behind his head and began to lightly thrust into Merlin’s mouth. Prising the cheeks apart, Merlin’s middle finger began to play with the hole, inserting it slightly as Merlin took his length fully into his mouth.

Arthur let out a quiet moan and threw his head backwards. _I didn't make him do that,_ Merlin thought with a smile. He never thought he’d be so good at this.

Merlin released Arthur’s cock from his mouth and stood up. The King’s breathing had become slightly heavier, outlining his muscular body with every breath. His long member was erect, a smooth shaft followed by a large head dripping with a mixture of pre-cum and Merlin’s sweat.

“It’s my turn to be served, sire. Undress me.” Merlin said, in a voice so commanding it surprised even himself. Arthur’s eyes widened slightly too, unnoticeable to anyone else, but Merlin could feel that slight resistance to his magic. “What? Did you think I just wanted to blow you? No Arthur, not at all.”

Arthur walked slowly towards Merlin, his erection remaining firm. He repeated the process that Merlin had followed earlier – removing his servant’s outer coat first. Merlin couldn't wait any longer, and he kicked off his own shoes. Silently forcing Arthur to go faster, the King ripped open Merlin’s shirt, revealing a toned, smooth body Arthur didn't expect, especially from the glimpse he’d caught a few years ago whilst camping. Obviously Merlin had been hard at work. Kneeling down, Arthur also ripped open Merlin’s pants to see another surprise – Merlin had no underwear on. Instead out sprang Merlin’s cock, not as thick as Arthur’s but just as long and gleaming with his own pre-cum. Arthur took the full shaft into his mouth, making Merlin cry out with pleasure. Feeling Arthur’s warm mouth envelop his shaft was more arousing than anything he had ever imagined, topped off by the sensation of the King’s right hand playing with his balls, the other reaching up and playing with Merlin’s nipple, brought the wizard dangerously close to cumming. He pushed Arthur off when he could bear no more, catching the King off guard and sending him sprawling onto the floor. Lying on his back on the stone floor with his legs spread, Merlin let out a low chuckle.

“We’ll follow the general pattern of the evening I think – first you, then me. I just want you to know now that the reason I skipped today was to brew a memory potion, to ensure you won’t remember a thing, Arthur. Although, if you aren't enjoying yourself and you want something to distract you during the next hour or so, think about this – has something really happened if we don’t remember it? Will you still have made me cum if you don’t ever remember it?”

Merlin stepped towards Arthur, enjoying the shift in the power dynamic that had occurred. Now, a lowly servant was standing above the King of Camelot, watching as he was powerless to move or resist a command. The power was like an aphrodisiac to Merlin, and he was ready to have the King inside him. Stepping over him, he slowly lowered himself down until the tip of Arthur’s penis touched Merlin’s hole. Circling his hips to rub the King’s pre-cum around the hole, he pushed down slightly and enveloped the King’s head. He let out a loud cry, a mixture of pain and sheer pleasure, and then pushed further down taking the whole of his length.

“Thrust.” Merlin said, with a note of begging in his voice. Arthur started slowly, although Merlin hadn't specified how fast to go. _Even now, he still doesn't want to hurt me._ Merlin lent back and let Arthur do the work, enjoying the intense pleasure. His cock had never been so hard nor felt so close to bursting, and Merlin moved his knees outwards to stretch his cock further. He felt like he didn't need to wank to cum, if Arthur kept up his rhythm. His cries of pleasure grew louder and louder and even Arthur began letting out low murmurs of pleasure. Merlin could hear his King's arse slap the stone floor with vigour, and thought of the pain that must be causing him. He willed Arthur to change position, and in one swift move showing the power of his body Arthur had picked up Merlin, whilst remaining inside him. He then took two powerful steps backwards and fell onto the bed, with Merlin on top again. Resuming their old position, Merlin arched his back and moved his hand towards his own penis, but Arthur’s moved quicker. Resigning himself to his fate, Merlin grabbed onto the posters of the bed, opening his body up to his King. Suddenly thrusting furiously, the intense pleasure was doubled as Arthur began to wank Merlin off. Merlin was in ecstasy, sweat dripping off his body and mingling with Arthur’s. Every movement brought Merlin closer to release, the pressure of his orgasm building up within him waiting to explode.

_No, it can’t be over this quick._ Merlin thought, desperately trying to stick to the plan. _This was my once chance, I can’t blow it by blowing now._

“Merlin…” Arthur moaned, his voice building to an ecstatic cry. “I'm close. Oh Merlin!”

Hearing Arthur scream his name was too much for Merlin to bear. He began to move his hips in time with Arthur, willing him to wank his off faster as the need for release built up. Merlin could feel the oncoming pleasure, his toes curling in anticipation.

“Say my name!” Merlin cried.

“MERLIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!” Arthur roared, his hips arching, sending his cock deep into Merlin’s arse, simultaneously blowing his heavy load and hitting Merlin’s prostate, sending a wave of pleasure throughout the wizard that was too much for him to bear. Merlin felt himself lose control of his body as waves of orgasm swept through him, his load shooting out over Arthur’s chest and face, more than he’d ever shot before. He felt his feet and fingers twitch in response to the pleasure, his toes curling against his will. Arthur pulled himself out of his servant, whilst still lightly wanking Merlin’s now-tender penis, each pull sending pleasure through Merlin’s body and draining the last drops of semen.

Merlin was in heaven. He wasn't prepared for how good Arthur would feel inside of him, how perfect he would look now, covered in his load, both hands behind his head. Merlin wasn't sure if he had willed Arthur into that position. _I couldn't imagine anything this beautiful._ He moved himself down to Arthur’s side, resting his head on his King’s shoulder. Arthur’s arm came down around him and his face drew closer, until they were kissing with such a longing and passion Merlin could scarcely believe. _I don’t care if this isn't real, it’s the closest I've ever get. I don’t regret it for a second._

In his fantasies Merlin had always stopped once he’d blown, once the animalistic sex was over. Now he realised it wasn't the sex he really wanted, it was Arthur – he suddenly didn't want Arthur to forget. He didn't want what happened to become any less real.

“The ball.” Arthur’s voice cut through his thoughts as sharply as his sword cut through men. “We’re already late.”

“I already told the Queen you’d cancelled the ball, that you were ill with something contagious and couldn't attend. I've had this planned for a long time.”

“But, Lord –“ Arthur’s voice protested aggressively, whilst his body stayed in a relaxed embrace with Merlin, with the larger man spooning his servant and kissing his neck.

“Sleep, my King. When you wake, none of this will have happened, you won’t remember a thing.” Merlin said, hoping his tone hid the fact that tears were beginning to run down his face.

Merlin would leave the bed in the early morning, clean up the King and administer the potion. Until then, his spell would hold and keep the two in a close embrace. _Tomorrow_ , the wizard thought, _Arthur can deal with the political fallout, and I’ll go back to being his servant, not his lover._ Yes, tomorrow Arthur’s body would be Arthur’s, but tonight it was just for Merlin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. There is a surprise in store for Sir Gwaine and Merlin discovers some uncomfortable truths.

The morning sun shining through Arthur's uncovered windows woke Merlin up, a stark contrast to the banging of Gaius's broom handle against his door that usually jarred the wizard awake. For a brief few seconds Merlin had forgotten about the previous night and looked on in amazement at the King's body, the top half of which was exposed and seemed to shine in the sunlight. Remembering suddenly what Merlin had subjected Arthur to, a rush of guilt shot through his conscience.

_Arthur will never remember what happened._ Merlin said to himself, repeating the argument he had told himself countless times before when he was developing his plan.  _In fact, he was so good he'd probably want to remember - just to have another thing to brag about._

Merlin knew he had to move and that the clever thing to do would be to quickly administer the potion, wipe Arthur down and then leave his chambers only to show up a few hours later. However, he couldn't seem to drag himself away from his master. Arthur's arm was curled around Merlin, allowing him to rest his head on the prince's shoulder. For the first time since Merlin realised he was a wizard all those years ago, he felt truly safe. All it took was Arthur's arm wrapped around him to make him feel like nothing or nobody could harm him, that the world's ills would pass him by, that he could never feel anything other than this blazing happiness. Merlin could smell the royal skin and spent a few seconds appreciating the simple pleasure the scent gave him, before he realised that he was once again rock hard.

_No, once was enough._ He scolded himself. He felt like he'd already betrayed his King enough for a lifetime.  _I justified last night, I'd planned it so carefully and I deserved it. To do it again would be a dangerous decision, a precedent allowing me to take the King whenever I wanted him... and the chances of me getting caught would rise with every occurrence. It's not worth it._

Merlin had managed to convince himself to leave Arthur's bed when his eyes caught sight of the bulge in the duvet. Succumbing to temptation, Merlin slowly lifted the sheet and was greeted with Arthur's fully erect length, standing tall in the sunlight. Forgetting his previous arguments against further action, he took it all in his mouth and began to circle Arthur's head with his tongue, building up speed as Arthur once again began to leak precum.

_I wonder if I can make him shoot without waking him..._ Merlin pondered to himself, the idea seeming strangely arousing. After a few minutes of working Arthur's perfect cock, a slight moan escaped the prince's lips.  _The bastard, has he been awake all this time? I didn't expect my magic to still be working so well by the morning._ Worried slightly, Merlin began to feel for the spell he'd cast and realised that it had indeed worn out.  _Arthur's just asleep, he could wake at any moment and I'd be here sucking his dick. How could I ever explain that?_

_Shit._

Loathed to stop pleasuring Arthur -  _especially when he's enjoying it so much... and naturally, as well_ \- Merlin slowly freed the royal cock from his own mouth and gazed at him sprawled out over his bed, in many ways the perfect man.

A bitter laugh escaped Merlin's lips.  _The only way I can be with him is against his will. If I really was his friend, would I have done that to him?_  A few quick spells cleaned Arthur up, as Merlin found the all-important potion that would signify the end of his plan. Merlin quickly dressed himself, suddenly paranoid that Arthur would wake and raise the alarm before Merlin could silence him, or a guard would burst in, or worse - Gwen.

After emptying the small vial into Arthur's mouth and making sure he swallowed it all, the wizard took the rare opportunity to look at his face without having to turn away quickly. The now familiar warm feeling that Merlin had so often tried to squash was now allowed to flow through him. Pride, lust, respect, need, admiration, a desire to protect, an overwhelming urge to please all mixed together to form a compelling torrent of emotion that washed over Merlin, more powerful now than ever before. Raising his hand to his mouth, Merlin realised Arthur's scent lingered strongly on his clothes from when the prince's body was pressed against his. Arthur's smell was the final trigger allowing the wizard to finally understand what he had really known for years.

_I love you, Arthur._

The thought that Arthur would never remember something that was so special to Merlin broke his heart, tearing his insides to pieces. The one time that they would ever connected in the most intimate way possible would mean nothing to the prince, with the very idea probably filling him with disgust and rage, instantly breaking a six year friendship. This simple soul destroying truth was too much for Merlin, who left Arthur's chambers with a single tear running down his cheek.

-

The sound of a trumpet playing a sombre tune woke King Arthur from his strange sleep. He didn't feel refreshed at all, and there was a niggling feeling in the back of his head that he'd somehow lost a chunk of his memory, that something was missing.

_I can remember waiting for Merlin to show up, so I could get ready for the ball... and now here I am._  Arthur looked down at his naked body, unable to piece together how he got here.  _Shit. I probably drank too much at Kinsley's damn table. If I've embarrassed myself again, there will be hell for Merlin to pay._ It was customary for Merlin to let the king know when he'd had a bit too much ale, ever since Arthur had fallen off his chair at a banquet held by his late father.

The trumpet grew louder in the courtyard below, and Arthur knew he recognised the sound from somewhere. Realisation hit him like a bolt of lightning -  _that's bloody Kinsley's call! He's waiting for me now. SHIT._

Arthur jumped out of bed, the strange feeling of memory loss ironically forgotten.  _Where's Merlin when you need him? Am I really expected to dress myself for a second day? I don't even know where my own clothes are._

Giving up on the idea his servant would ever return to him, Arthur began to look for his clothes. After a quick scramble he had managed to find everything except for his underwear.  _I can hardly go to court without that, imagine if someone found out. I'd be a laughing stock_. A hard knock on the door disturbed him from the search, as he was bent over looking under his bed for a secret storage compartment.

"One second, I'm just -"

Gwaine, never one for listening or waiting, pushed open the door and was greeted with the Arthur's arse stretched open.

"Now sire, are you trying to tempt me? Think of the scandal if the court found out!" Gwaine and Arthur had become very close friends on expeditions, both saving each other's life numerous times. There was a bond between them that mean no topic was out of bounds, no joke to far, no situation uncomfortable. Still, Gwaine's appearance surprised the king, who jumped up and turned a shade of bright red.

"For the love of... Gwaine, haven't you heard of waiting? I am the king, after all. Some respect wouldn't go a miss."

"If I remember correctly, you never used to allow the scullery maids a chance to ready themselves before you, ahem,  _barged in_ , so why should I extend to you the same courtesy?"

"Any more of that cheek, Sir Gwaine, and you'll be locked in the tower for a week."

"Rather the tower than that tower you've got yourself there." Gwaine shot back, openly laughing at the King.

Arthur looked down and saw his erection, once again turning red and quickly covering up his crotch. "Well..." he mumbled, unable to think of a witty comeback, then he remembered a camping trip a few years ago. "That's not what you said when we were on that expedition to Mercia, if I remember correctly."

"I was very drunk then, it's not my fault you look so womanly after a few drinks. It's probably your blonde hair and bright red lips that gives you such a strong resemblance to a tavern whore." Arthur knew Gwaine's stronger language meant he had hit a nerve with that comment, but he couldn't lose out to his knight - he was the King, after all.

"Sir Gwaine, I'd be very careful if I were you. You know my word is law in Camelot, and you have to do whatever I say, under pain of death. Don't push me." Arthur used his most annoying, patronising statesman voice, a particular favourite when he wanted to humiliate an overzealous lord without actually giving them any overt reason to rebel. From Gwaine's face, he knew it had the desired effect. The question was, would Gwaine give in?

"With all due respect, my Lord, fuck you."

_Well,_ Arthur thought,  _that's unforgivable._  "My father had had men killed for less, Sir Gwaine. But don't worry, all I require you do is kneel." Gwaine's confused face gave Arthur a powerful feeling. Gwaine had realised he may have gone too far, and even his considerable pride wouldn't allow him to disobey the King. Gwaine knelt, realising he was now looking directly to Arthur's erection, which still seemed rock hard. He noticed it was glistening slightly, and it was then he realised that this wasn't just morning wood, but that Arthur was actually aroused.

Arthur began to walk towards Gwaine, taking slow, deliberate steps. "You swore an oath to me, Sir Gwaine, to protect this land and do as is requested by the king. Do you remember?" Now, the head of Arthur's penis was mere centimetres away from the knight's face.

Gwaine mumbled something inaudible, cursing himself for allowing his tongue to run away like that.  _The King is a man of his word. He doesn't make idle promises... or threats._

"Now Gwaine, you're going to have to speak up." Arthur said, his patronising tone hiding the delight he felt from seeing his star knight in this position.

_Well, if I'm going to have to do this, I may as well make it worth it._ "Why, sire? Are you deaf?" Gwaine replied, once again laughing openly to annoy the King.

_Always pushing it._ Arthur laughed to himself. "Oh Gwaine, you just don't learn, do you?" Arthur said, as he moved his hips just to point to the side of the kneeling knight's head, then swung them towards the knight. The result was to move his cock across Gwaine's face making a loud slapping sound. "Now... Do you remember your oath?"

There was a strong silence as Gwaine considered his options. Finally, he replied. "Yes, my Lord."

"Excellent. Well, now your King demands that you open your mouth... for your country." Arthur's lips broke into a slight smile as he saw Gwaine's internal dilemma play out on his face.

In his time as a knight, Gwaine had been involved in some...  _unexpected_ activities whilst out on a tour or a mission, but that was standard when you were a knight. Just because there wasn't a woman about didn't mean the men didn't have needs. In fact, Gwaine remembered a few nights when it got so sexually charged it went beyond oral and turned into a full on orgy. But this, this was different. There was no ale, Gwaine didn't have that need and he didn't even have a choice. Could he really deny a direct order from the King? If everyone started disobeying the King, there'd be no law or order, no justice, no -.

"Well...?" Arthur asked, snapping Gwaine from his internal debate.

"This doesn't seem very kingly, Arthur, forcing someone to blow you against their will just because you can. It's an abuse of power." Gwaine was going to try and reason his way out of this one. But if worst came to worst, he would do it.  _I've sucked a few dicks before and I reckon as far as cocks go, Arthur's is probably one of the best._..  _still, the situation isn't ideal._

"Ha, are you trying to talk me out of it? Gwaine, my friend, you were never one for words. But since you asked, think of this like war. Yes, you can pretend there are rules that we should follow, but when push comes to shove you do what you can to get what you want. In this case, I have the power and I want you to suck my dick as punishment for your rudeness. It might not be the morally right thing to do, but morals have nothing over force." Arthur let out a small laugh, enjoying the scenario he had found himself in. In one last dramatic flourish, he finished his speech.

"There is no right or wrong, there is only power."  _After this, Gwaine will never have the upper hand._ Arthur didn't really want Gwaine humiliated him for any sexual gratification, but rather to show that he was the winner in their little game.

"Fine." There was a hint of begrudging respect in Gwaine's eyes as he looked up at his naked King. Standing there, with nothing to hide behind, the knight understood that the King really did mean what he said. He would fight to keep Camelot safe by whatever means, moral or not, and perhaps that's why under his reign there has been consistent peace. Either way, he couldn't see a way out of his current predicament.

"Open wide, Sir Gwaine. If you're really really good, I won’t make you do this again." Arthur said, as he grabbed the back of Gwaine's head and pushed it towards his erect cock. A wave of pleasure hit the king as Gwaine's mouth enveloped his head then shaft, with both hands gripping Arthur's arse. Looking down at this man pleasuring him, Arthur's strange niggling feeling returned.

_It's like there's something on the tip of my memory, like I've remembered I've forgotten something._ Mentally pushing his thoughts aside, Arthur began to thrust deeply into Gwaine's mouth, as the knight gripped the King's arse tighter, his nails digging into the soft flesh. Gwaine took control and began to push Arthur's cock in faster and deeper than Arthur himself had, and used his tongue to send a bolt of ecstasy through the king with every thrust by roughly licking the base of the head.

Arthur let out a deep moan of satisfaction, which gave Gwaine the courage to take the situation further. He slowly began to prise open Arthur's cheeks and boldly began to rub his hole with his two index fingers. Arthur felt incredibly powerful as he stood there, tall, golden and naked with his kneeling dark knight fully clothed, simultaneously sucking and fingering him. He closed his eyes to fully appreciate the pleasure, as Gwaine's two fingers entered him. As the pleasure swept through him, Arthur's mind vividly cut to the image of Merlin doing exactly the same action as Gwaine. It felt familiar, like a memory rather than imagination. It felt...

Arthur cried out as Gwaine inserted a further two fingers and began to go deeper within the King. Intense arousal shot through the king, his cock feeling rock hard and ready to burst. Looking down at Gwaine, he realised that the knight really was trying his best to please him. This was -

_"It's my turn to be served, sire. Undress me."_

Now Arthur was hearing Merlin's voice. His mind felt like he was grasping at memories that crumbled when he finally remembered them. Gwaine noticed the king's change in attitude, and freed his mouth.

"Is everything ok, my Lord?"

"Yes, Sir Gwaine. Continue."

Gwaine went back to his task with renewed vigour, leaving two fingers in Arthur's hole whilst using the now free hand to stroke King Arthur's shaft as his mouth pleasured the head. This new combination stole Arthur from his thoughts of Merlin and the strange non-memories, diverting his focus to the magic Gwaine was weaving. Arthur could feel his orgasm grow closer and closer as Gwaine's hand gripped the base of Arthur's cock, pulling his foreskin back fully and exposing the sensitive area under his head to the work of the knight's tongue.

"I'm close." Arthur cried, feeling as if he'd said that before. He was on the tip of orgasm as an avalanche of memories hit him.

_Merlin with a potion. Forcing Arthur to satisfy him. No control over his own body. Merlin riding the King to orgasm. The wizard asleep in his arms. Powerless and powerful._

"MERLIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!" Arthur's orgasm, spurred on by the memories of his servant, hit him hard as his arse took the full length of two fingers. Grabbing onto Gwaine's hair for support, Arthur shot his load in Gwaine's mouth, who swallowed it eagerly. Arthur's body twitched and he felt dizzy from the force.

"Merlin?" Gwaine asked, outwardly jokingly but failing to hide the hurt in his voice.  _Never,_ the knight thought,  _has anyone said someone else's name when I make them cum - not a wench, not Lancelot, not even Uther._

"Get the royal guard and then head to Gaius's quarter. Wait for me there." Arthur commanded, no room in his words for a joke. He remembered everything Merlin did to him and without a trace of recognition of the irony or hypocrisy of his feelings, the king was furious. Who was Merlin to force him to do that, drugged and humiliated? How long had be kept the secret of his magic for? The idea that Merlin would know something about Arthur that even he didn't know infuriated him.

"And what about Kinsley? I came up here to let you know he's waiting."

"Well, the bastard will have to wait a little bit longer. I gave you a command Gwaine, go!" At that, Gwaine walked out the roomwith a purpose that failed to hide his confusion and humiliation, as the king finished dressing.  _Without underwear - Merlin has a lot to answer for._

King Arthur marched out of his chambers to arrest his servant.

-

Merlin took a long walk before returning to Gaius, reliving the previous night in his head then asking himself the same questions he'd answered numerous times in the last few months.

_I'll have to leave Camelot._  He vowed to himself.  _I can't stay here, with him._  Merlin was furious with himself.  _That was meant to be a treat, harmless fun. Now look at me, leaving my home because I'm in love with King Arthur of Camelot._

Arriving at the entrance to Gaius's chamber, Merlin took a moment to compose himself. He wiped a new tear from his cheek, sorted his hair out and readied his story. Opening the door quietly, he could hear Gaius, busy at work.  _Probably doing my work too,_ Merlin realised with another pang of guilt.

"Sorry I've -" Merlin started, but was instantly cut off by Gaius.

"No time Merlin, no time. I've got a list of things for you to do. First, Lord Sesic needs his tonic for the warts, they've come back stronger. Then I need you to..."

Merlin was glad for the long list of distractions, anything to take his mind away from his earlier realisation and the dull throbbing pain that his situation caused him.

"Finally," Gaius continued, "I need you to replace the tuft of knotwood strapped under Arthur's bed. Altogether, that should only take a few hours."

"Ok." Merlin replied, dully. Then his mind sprung to life as Gaius's words hit him.

_Knotwood? Shit._

"How much knotwood?" Merlin asked, masking the urgency in his voice.

"Quite a large tuft, the king was concerned that someone could harm him with a potion after the Sir Powell incident, so I gave him the largest amount I could find." Gaius replied, ignorant of the repercussions of his actions.

"How long had it been there for?"

"No more than two weeks, but the king wanted -"

Merlin had stopped listening.  _Two week old knotwood would still nullify all but the strongest potions, and mine wasn't that strong._

"Merlin, you're pacing. Is something wrong?" The concern in Gaius's voice did nothing to dampen his worry.

"No, I'm fine. Ha, it's nothing, don't worry."  _The less Gaius knows, the better for him._

"Oh, the royal guard is on the move." The physician noted as he walked past the window. "That Kinsley's probably staring up trouble, I told Arthur he's bad but did he listen? No. Does he ever? I remember his father -"

Panic struck Merlin, drying his mouth and making his hands shake. He had to get away before he was caught and almost certainly killed on the spot. A wizard using his powers to defile the king.  _I'm a dead man walking._  Collecting his wits, he took a deep breath and turned to his old friend and mentor.

"Gaius, I have to go. I don't want you to get hurt, so trust me - I was never here. I never came back. You've not seen me for at least a day. Swear it, you've never seen me."

"But Merlin, what's -"

"Swear it!" Merlin screamed, a mix of self-preservation and worry for Gaius rising within his mind.

"I swear, Merlin, of course. But I-" Gaius looked terrified and confused.  _What has he done now? What if he's bitten of more than he could chew, what if this is the first, and the last, time I won't be able to help him._

"Goodbye, Gaius, and thank you for everything you've done for me." Merlin was openly weeping now, as he ran through the door and down the corridor. Turning left at the first chance, Merlin almost ran directly into Sir Gwaine. Just like Gaius, he looked scared and confused.

"Merlin, King Arthur has requested-"

Merlin's magic threw Gwaine to the side of the corridor, giving the wizard a brief window of time to escape. After six years of keeping his magic quiet, the ability to use it freely was strangely relieving.

_Shame about the circumstances_ , he said to himself.  _Such a cruel trade off. I bought my freedom by becoming a fugitive._

Jumping over Gwaine's body Merlin felt a twinge of guilt as he ran away from his injured friend. If he could just make it out of the castle, he'd have a chance of escaping Camelot altogether. Each step was a risk, but eventually the wizard made it to the final corridor. Turning the last corner, he bumped into an iron clad man. Merlin felt something hard hit him hard in the stomach, knocking him to the floor.

"I think we need to have a little chat." Arthur whispered into the wizard's ear, before he lost consciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has just been caught by King Arthur – but the wizard isn’t Arthur’s biggest problem.

Merlin awoke a few seconds later surrounded by the King's guard. Without any hope of escape he felt his energy leave him and slumped heavily to the ground.

"Now now Merlin" Arthur's voiced mocked, "what's the matter? Tired out by the chase? Or was it all the magic you've been using? Don't worry, I'll give you a bed to sleep in. It might not be as comfortable as the one you used this morning, but it will have to do. Take him away!"

Merlin didn't feel the guards clumsily pick him up, nor did he really register the fact that he wasn't standing up and his legs were dragging along the floor. Hearing the hatred and disgust in Arthur's voice was too much for him to bear.

 _It doesn't matter what the guards do to me, nothing can be as terrible as that._ _Was last night really worth this? Certain death and the hatred of the man I love? Next time I'll just have a wank._

"Where are we takin' 'im?" asked an out-of-breath guard, shaking Merlin from his reflection. From the sound of his breathing Merlin guessed he was rather unfit.

"Don't be soft all yer life Seswick, he's a bloody wizard. Only one place fer 'im – Portcullis Nook."

 _Oh fuck, of course._ Merlin knew he really should be terrified, but a dim numbness had spread over his mind. Portcullis Nook was a legend to most people, since there were never any survivors to confirm its existence. Of course, the prisoners couldn't be allowed to live – their very existence was illegal. Portcullis Nook was the wizard prison.

"I'm not goin' down there, the east dungeon corridor gives me creeps."

"You're a pussy Seswick, yer daughter has more balls than you, even if she does have smaller tits."

"I don't care what you sayin' Branswell, that place is dark."

"Of course it's bloody dark, it holds the bastard mages. Where did you think they'd be kept, the gardens with the bloody daisies?"

"Y'know what I mean, don't be a dick. Dark magic. Evil magic." The larger guard, Seswick, was sounding increasingly agitated as the conversation developed.

Branswell smiled darkly. "You ever heard what happens to a wizard when he dies, Seswick?"

A few seconds of pride halted an immediate answer. "Can't say I have, or I've forgotten alongways anyroad."

"Well, they're usually tortured, and put up with a fair bit too. Surprising, since they hide behind magic mosts times 'sted of proper muscle strength. But there's no magic allowed down there Seswick. Not even enough to wipe the shit off yer shoe. But they take the torture, yes. Cowards really wizards, deep down, behind the flash and the bangs. They take the torture because they're damn scared of death, being like everyone else again. Most times they ain't been in danger, they don't fear a battle 'cos they can magic themself safe… Still, when they die -" A small chuckle broke the rant. Branswell's voice gave the impression that he was enjoying every minute of his speech and the hell he was describing, well aware that the wizard he dragged was hearing every word.

"When they die, it ain't like no normal death, natural like. You better make damn sure you're nowheres close when they go, because their magic escapes them. Explodes out, around, up an' down, everywhichway you fancy, for miles. Nothing left but ash and dust. I 'erd of whole armies tooken down when one accidently kills a wizard."

"Bloody 'ell Branswell, we're carrying a bomb? Bump his head too hard, kill 'im and Camelot goes tits up?" The agitation in Seswick's voice had turned to horror as the fate described to him flashed before his eyes.

"Don't be stupid Seswick. Arthur might not be his father, might be all looks no sight, but he ain't a total clot. Portcullis Nook is special, druid or somethin'. It traps the magic in its walls, contains the explosion. Thousands of wizards have died in there and we ain't noticed one bump. Heh, but the walls notice plenty."

"Pfft, now you're being stupid Branswell. What how the walls notice plenty?"

But Merlin knew, he could feel it beneath the numbness, a terror you hide in the back your mind until it's corrupted all your thoughts and it's all you can ever think about. The walls were beginning to talk to him, mock him and break him.

"You'd be best not to hit 'em, that's my advice. The walls absorb the magic of the wizards, the evil. Then they bounce it back at the newcomers. The walls are evil, just as you is thick. They enjoy breaking wizards, they crave more raw magic. Nah, it's never the physical torture that kills magic folk. It's the mind damage. Against that, the rack is a relief. Oh, this poor bugger will be begging for death in an hour tops."

Seswick was lost for words, partially worried by the glee Branswell took in the young wizard's fate, but mainly preoccupied with not stumbling into the wall. With Branswell chuckling to himself and Seswick horrified, they continued their journey in silence.

_Portcullis Nook, certain death? Do you think it's all a rumour Arthur, or do you really hate me that much?_

With the guards were absorbed in their own thoughts Merlin was an afterthought. They didn't notice that his shoulders shook slightly as he silently sobbed.

* * *

Arthur stormed away from the crumped body of Merlin, rage filling his body and clouding his mind. He turned the corner of the corridor and saw Gwaine slouched to the side, just managing to stand up. He saw the King approach and hastened his effort, stumbling slightly. Arthur's quick reflexes allowed him to catch his knight and help him back onto his feel.

"Sorry sire, I'm not quite sure what happened. One minute I'm asking Merlin to stop, the next I'm flying across the corridor."

Arthur knew he should be patient with Sir Gwaine, who was bleeding slightly from his head, but his Merlin-induced rage prevented such niceties.

"Well it should be obvious to you what happened Gwaine – Merlin's a bloody wizard." The words stopped Gwaine in his track, oblivious to the cutting tone Arthur used.

"Merlin, a wizard? Have you hit your head too Arthur, or is your crown too tight? Merlin's a boy, he's our friend, he's been your ser-"

"HE'S A FUCKING WIZARD GWAINE." Arthur felt the anger flow out of him, but the release was nothing compared to what he needed. Instead of relief, Arthur felt a tinge of guilt as he saw the confusion on his friend's face. "He is a wizard." He repeated, quietly. "He fooled us all, laughing behind our back. He was my servant for six years; I thought he was my friend. He was a lie."

Arthur stopped himself; he could feel he was getting to the point where he could no longer control his emotions, no longer anger but pain, betrayal and a bitter emptiness. He didn't want Gwaine to know how he felt.

_I don't even want to know._

"Never mind that Gwaine, your head looks pretty bad. I'll take you to Gaius, let's see what he can do for you."

"Arthur, I'm fine. Just a bit -"

"This is an order, Sir Gwaine. To Gaius's, now."

"I guess this is better than the last order you gave me." Gwaine smirked.

"Careful Gwaine, I can still have you put in the stocks." Arthur retorted, this moment of jest with his friend taking his mind away from the anger he felt.

"What, and have me bent over? I bet you'd like that sire, but think of the rumours."

Realising Gwaine had beaten him this time, Arthur let out a laugh. It refreshed him, shaking off some of the darkness he had held since he realised how Merlin had violated his trust in the worst way possible. The laugh carried across the nearby corridors, echoing against the old stone walls of the castle.

"Pray share the humour, my King." A new voice cut through the laughter, almost muffling the echoes and leaving an almost dirty silence in its wake. Arthur released Gwaine, who moved to prop himself up against the wall, and turned to face his guest.

"Lord Kinsley, what an unexpected pleasure." The distaste in Arthur's voice was barely hidden, matched only by that held in Kinsley's.

"My Lord, the pleasure is all mine." Kinsley smiled coldly, twisting his face into the most unnatural shape. His whole body was built to sneer, his pointed face gave way to a long neck, which sat upon a tall body. His limbs were also long, although not gangly, and he stood at an inch taller than Arthur. Although unable to tell how muscular the Lord was, Arthur instantly judged it would be foolish to underestimate his strength. Just as a sneer could cut through a person, there was no doubt in the King's mind the Lord could do the same. "Such a shame you could not make the ball last night. I trust your illness was severe."

"Yes, of course Kinsley." Arthur replied, unsure where this discussion was going. _He's obviously pissed, but he must know I'm in no mood to play his stupid games._

"Well, it is nothing short of a miracle that you are on your feet today. Praise be to the gods, it is not often such a serious illness disappears overnight."

"You have my physician to thank for that, Lord Kinsley. He's Camelot's finest."

"Yet the page you have given me still has summerrash. Perhaps the physician is out of practice, your father never missed a state banquet for illness if I remember correctly."

"Unfortunately for your ball, Lord Kinsley, I am not my father." Arthur's anger was now rushing through his veins, the hatred he harboured at Merlin now directed at Kinsley. _No good can come of this, I have to get away._ "Now, if you'll excuse me, Sir Gwaine needs urgent medical attention."

Arthur began to help Gwaine move away from the wall when Kinsley retorted. "You are correct, Arthur Utherson, you are not your father. Your father knew that calling yourself King did not mean you had power or control. Your father knew that without his lords he was nothing. Your father knew who to fear." The sneer in Kinsley's voice was no longer concealed.

"Are you calling my father a coward?"

"Not at all sire, you misunderstand me. I am simply stating that your father knew who to respect."

"And that was you, was it? Now tell me this Kinsley, why should I respect you? In my kingdom respect is earnt, not bought by threats." Arthur could feel himself getting heated, but the political ramifications of his words were being pushed aside by his anger and his lingering dislike for the man stood in front of him. Surprisingly for Gwaine, Lord Kinsley remained calm. If he felt a bubbling rage like Arthur's he kept it hidden.

"Listen carefully Arthur, and listen well." The sneer was gone from Kinsley's voice, making way for cold, uncompromising power. "I have more troops under my command than most of the other lord combined, more gold at my disposal than even you, and my castle guards the pass that keeps countless barbarian hordes out of Camelot. You would do well to not to cancel balls in my honour in future."

The silence in the corridor was palpable. Kinsley stood tall, a look of proud success and the familiar sneer returned to his face, standing above a King simmering with bitter anger.

"I will ask you again Kinsley – are you threatening me?" To a casual listener, Arthur would have sounded friendly, if not slightly peeved. To Gwaine, there was a dangerous edge to his voice, the edge that made Arthur a feared solder.

"If I am shown the respect I deserve, this is not a threat. Although your father learnt to toe the line a bit quicker than you did, I still have hope you yet. If you do not show me adequate respect, then this is indeed a threat."

 _The little cunt._ Arthur was seething, his head was pounding with hate and his fists had curled of their own accord.

"The King of Camelot does not respond well to threats." Arthur replied menacingly, taking a slow step towards Kinsley. There was barely an arm's length between the two. Kinsley looked directly into Arthur's eyes and laughed.

"Do not be foolish Arthur, even you would not be as stupid as to attack your most powerful lord."

"Let's find out." Arthur replied, as he brought his fist up to connect with Kinsley's jaw. Regaining his balance, the King placed his right foot squarely in the centre of Kinsley's chest, sending the Lord through the air and into the wall behind him. Kinsley slumped to the ground unconscious. "Not so cocky now, you little bastard. Guards!"

Around twenty nearby guards responded to the call, some almost instantly. Arthur struck his most authoritative pose and addressed the surrounding men.

"I am Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot. I do not respond to threats. Let Lord Kinsley be an example to all those who question my authority. Now, take him to the dungeons and round up all his men. They will share his cell." The guards began their work as Arthur turned to support Gwaine.

"Well, that went well." Gwaine said, as they made their way to Gaius's quarter.

* * *

"Gaius!" Arthur called as he helped Gwaine into the physician's quarters. "Gwaine, sit down. Go on a diet, you're heavier than you look." Arthur's weak attempt at humour was a mechanism for hiding his worry – Gwaine had begun babbling on the journey, making little sense and laughing at nothing.

_He's worse than usual… what exactly did Merlin do to him?_

Gaius emerged from his bedroom, his slightly hunched pose failing to detract from his unique aura of authority. Even Arthur sometimes felt the desire to bow, out of a mixture of deep love and earned respect. Time after time Gaius had proven himself to be one of Camelot's most powerful friends and defenders, treating the peasant with the same care and duty he would show to Arthur.

"My Lord, what's wrong?"

"Gwaine, he's had a bit of a bump to his head."

Time slowed down for Arthur as Gaius carried out his examination, each second stretched out to hours by worry. Not one for an outward display of affection towards friends, a cold legacy left by his father, Arthur could sometimes be mistaken for arrogant or cold. Here, however, all pretence was dropped.

"Will he be ok Gaius?"

"Hmm, I'm fairly certain he will be, yes. Quite a nasty bump though, I'd rather keep him in overnight. Who did this?"

"Oh, just a scrap with one of Kinsley's men. All sorted now."

"Hmph. Typical Gwaine. Yes, I'll keep him here, a strong sleeping draught should let him escape most of the pain, in the morning he should feel nothing worse than a mild hangover."

"A hangover without a drink? I'm sure he'll feel cheated." Arthur quipped, attempting to judge what mood the physician with. An honest laugh from Gaius gave Arthur the confidence to make the request he had really come to the physician's for.

"Gaius, I'd just like to say that you're the -"

"What do you want, Arthur?" A slight smirk rested on Gaius's face.

_Still as sharp as ever, I see._

"Essence of Hesté."

Gaius's expression was replaced with an impassive mask, honed by years of hiding his magical apprentice and his own, minor, powers. "That's an illegal substance, my Lord, as decreed by your father, and continued under your reign. Quite rightly so, it is one of the most potent poisons in Albion, with the potential to destroy an army with one drop in the water supply. Discovery of just one ounce of Hesté would be enough to have a man killed – and you dare to ask me if I have any, like a common smuggler? Shame on you Arthur."

"Well, do you?"

"Of course."

"I thought as much, you need to improve you little speech. I could have you arrested, tried and killed within the day, you do know that?" Arthur joked, relieved that the physician trusted him with a secret like this.

"And of course I would go quietly, my Lord… up until the point I decide to bring your kingdom to its knees." There was a sparkle in the physician's eyes that suggested, whilst not threatening the King, he was not lying.

 _With friends like these, no wonder I have so few enemies._ Arthur thought, thankfully.

"Then I best not arrest you then. In fact, all I want are a few drops." Realising the need to clarify himself, he continued. "Obviously, not of the poison. I need it in the form of Hesté's Bane."

"Hesté's Bane? Who do you suspect of sorcery?" Gaius's immediate thought went to Merlin, who had been gone for a while now.

Hesté Bane was the only known draught to nullify the effect of magic acting upon a person, discovered by Hesté herself and used against her by a bitter ex-lover, who forced the potion down her throat and then stabbed her through the stomach. Unable to use her healing magic on herself, she died helpless and alone. From then on, the potion had been used to protect targets from magical interference, thus allowing the questioning of mages.

If Merlin's secret was out, Gaius was doubtful there would be anything he could do to save the young wizard's neck, let alone his own. _Except sabotage the potion._ Gaius knew this day might come – _Who do I choose?_ _Merlin, who's been like a son to me, or my King?_

"May I ask why you need this, sire?" Gaius asked, hoping he hid the nervousness in his voice.

"Of course Gaius. Lord Kesley is currently sitting in my dungeon and I need to interrogate him. The man will stop at nothing to claim the throne, so I cannot be sure he wouldn't resort to sorcery."

A wave of relief swept over Gaius. "Ah, I see. The draught will take about twenty minutes to make. I must ask you though, you do know the dangers of Hesté's Bain? With such powerful magic there is always a risk, and in this case Hesté's Bane requires such immaculate concentration that just one drop too many of Essence of Hesté in the potion could kill a man instantly, whilst too little would magnify any magical effect. I wouldn't take it unless I absolutely had to. If you die because I failed, I would never forgive myself."

"I know Gaius, but I am sure. If it helps, I can command you on the pain of death?"

"Hmph. Empty threats. Pain of death? I'd like to see you try young man." Gaius sighed. "Right, I'll do it. Just, stay out of my way."

* * *

Potion in hand, King Arthur worked his way through the castle to the dungeons. Armed with all he needed to interrogate his prisoner, for the first time since Merlin's _indiscretion_ Arthur felt powerful again. He could take on the world, mages would be powerless against him and lords would feel his wrath.

Taking the steep stairs down towards the dungeons, the sound of Kinsley's rabble grew louder and louder. Upon hearing his approach, some began to shout taunts.

"Come to bring us some more measly chunks of bread? You little shits, you wouldn't be so tough if we weren't behind bars." One voice cried above the rest, starting a chant of 'Camelot scum'. Despite their comments, Arthur smiled. Their spirit remained, for now.

As Arthur turned the corner into the corridor of cells, he allowed the prisoners to see his face. The man with the loud voice instantly stopped his chanting, and dropped to his knees.

"King Arthur, have mercy on us!" He cried, his comrades following his lead. Cries denouncing Lord Kinsley, evocative descriptions of wives and children alongside open begging for release assaulted Arthur's hearing like a horse tramping on a fallen soldier's skull. He raised his hand for silence, which came instantly, and then addressed the group.

"You are not kept here for a crime you have committed, but for the safety of the people of Camelot. I will see to it that you will be escorted from the castle and back to your city as soon as possible."

"COWARDS!" Lord Kinsley cried from the next cell. "You would abandon your Lord in the hour of his need?" Yells of 'yes!' drowned out the rest of his rant.

Arthur raised his hand once again, and the noise died down.

"Have you come to torture me, Arthur? Why don't you settle this man to-"

"Enough, Kinsley. I have more pressing business that requires my attention. Although, let this be known – any rowdy behaviour from you, anything _untoward_ , and you'll lose your leg. Am I clear?"

Arthur let Kinsley's stunned silence ring out let a bell.

"Speechless? What a pleasant change." As soon as he was satisfied everyone knew he was serious, he regally continued down the corridor and descended the staircase that led to a large oak door. He drank Hesté's Bane in one mouthful, his blind faith in Gaius's ability stopping any doubt he may have had, and then waited a minute.

_It wouldn't be good form to die during the interrogation._

At least two minutes had passed before Arthur was satisfied Gaius's potion was concocted correctly. Walking up to the door, he realised the last set of guards to visit the prisoner had left the door unlocked. Heart beating rapidly, Arthur pushed the heavy door open with ease and strode into the chamber.

Despite never setting foot Portcullis Nook before, Arthur didn't take in his surroundings. He stared directly at the prisoner sat in the corner of the cell, contained by three stone walls and a thick metal portcullis. Anger flooded through Arthur's body, trampling over every other thought until only one was left – _revenge._ He cleared his throat to get the starving prisoner's attention.

"Good afternoon Merlin. I've come to punish you."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know. Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin committed a crime and now Arthur has to punish him.

Merlin watched as Arthur walked towards him, picking up the various lengths of rope that lay coiled together near the entrance to the door. A cocktail of emotions pushed hunger from the forefront of the young wizard's mind – the edge to Arthur's voice left him genuinely scared, yet the fear was tinged with the arousal Merlin always felt when he looked at his master. Watching the King walk towards him taking long, powerful strides, Merlin couldn't help to think back to the previous night.

_Would I do it again, if I had the chance? Probably._

"I said, good afternoon Merlin. Where are your manners?" Arthur sneered, learning against the portcullis that caged the wizard.

"Good afternoon, Arthur." Merlin replied, lowering his gaze to stare at his crossed legs, his voice void of emotion. Arthur let out an empty laugh.

"That's not quite good enough, Merlin. Where's your energy gone?"

Merlin remained silent.

"You will not ignore me Merlin. Surely you can stand to bow to your king."

Another silence.

"Oh, how silly of me. You obviously used up all your energy last night." The rotting magic that soaked the walls of the chamber gave off a buzz that was felt rather than heard, a continuing presence lurking in the back of the mind. Yet the anger that Arthur infused into his last sentence cleared Merlin's head of the feeling and left him mentally stunned.

_Why am I surprised? Of course he hates me. Of course he will never forgive me._ As that realisation dawned on the wizard, his attitude darkened. _If he will never forgive me, why should I ask? If he doesn't see me as his friend, then why should I see him as mine?_

Suddenly realising what he was thinking, Merlin regained control of his mind.  _The walls. The magic. Those guards were right, this place is dangerous._

Looking up at Arthur, Merlin realised that the King was in trouble. If the evil magic managed to gain control for just a few seconds, Merlin was sure it would use him to destroy Arthur.

"Arthur, you have to leave. You're in danger. The wa-"

"I'm in danger?" Arthur retorted. "Well, thank you for your concern. Perhaps that snippet of information would have come in handy before you drugged and bedded me. Of course I'm in danger, Merlin, because you're a fucking wizard, and you're fucking mental."

"No, Arthur, I mean -"

"Oh, so you're not a wizard?" Arthur mockingly replied. "Then I guess Gwaine can fly. Although, he should probably practice his landing, and stop showing off in corridors."

"Arthur, listen to me, I'm -"

"I have listened to you, Merlin. I was forced to, when your magic stole my body from me. I've listened to you threaten me with your magic when you knew I couldn't fight back. I've listened to you moaning with pleasure as you rode me against my will. I've even listened to you say you love me whilst you thought I was asleep. I'm pretty fucking sick of listening to you, Merlin."

In the silence following Arthur's rant, the King made his way to the metal door that formed part of the portcullis and opened it with a key he pulled from his trouser pocket. Stepping into Merlin's prison, Arthur locked the door behind him.

"Nowhere to run Merlin." Arthur stood over the slumped wizard, unafraid, with the coiled ropes still in his hand.

"Please, Arthur..." Merlin begged, unable to fight the festering magic that had lay dormant for so long in Portcullis Nook. He could feel it winning control of his body, clouding his judgement and twisting his emotions. Now that Arthur had joined him in the cell, the magic was desperate for a host.

"Yes Merlin, please! Finally, you get it – you do not make demands of me. You do not make demands of anyone."

The magic was winning control of Merlin's mind.

"You are nothing more than a servant.  _Were_ , nothing. Now, you have sunk even lower. You are a prisoner, scum, lower then the pigs. You will never make demands of me again."

Merlin was pouring every inch of his strength into fighting the blight that threatened to engulf him, Arthur's words nothing more than an unwanted distraction.

"Do you hear me Merlin? I am Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot. You are nothing."

Merlin lost his battle. Nothing more than a bystander to his own actions, the magic took full control of his body.

"Be quiet, little boy." Merlin's voice boomed, seemingly coming from the walls rather than Merlin's mouth. "You titles are nothing compared to my magic."

"Your magic?" Arthur laughed, oblivious to the danger he was in. "Your magic isn't powerful, isn't brave. It's sneaky. It's cowardly."

_Run, you proud fool!_ Merlin screamed within his own mind, willing his mouth to release his cries. In one last desperate attempt to regain control of himself, Merlin poured all his power into breaking the blight. His magic was twisted back at him, piercing through his mind tenfold like a hot knife through butter. Mentally broken Merlin realised the magic had won control and the wizard quietly gave up.  _Goodbye, Arthur. I'm sorry. I truly am._

"Arthur Pendragon" Merlin's voice mocked, "how a kingdom has misjudged your stupidity for bravery. You will die here. Your kingdom will crumble and your line will be forgotten."

"I will not be threatened in my own castle, Merlin. I have come to punish you, in accordance with your crimes."

_Brave to very the end._

Merlin let out a low laugh. "I will kill you now Arthur." The wizard's body pointed its left hand towards Arthur, which began to glow bright red with magical energy. "Be grateful it will be quickly. Not through mercy, but indifference"

Merlin's eyes flashed a deep black as the magic was released from his hand, directly at Arthur's chest. Almost as if in slow motion Merlin watched the bolt of fire fly toward Arthur, unable to close his eyes to hide the horror of his death, then simply fizzle out as it stuck the King's chest.

Merlin's magic sent another bolt at the King, and another, pouring more and more magic into the attacks. Each were met with the same effect.

Slowly closing the distance towards Merlin, Arthur looked at the wizard with a cool detachment. "Like I said, Merlin, I will not be threatened in my own castle. I am the King, and I am the law. Your crime will be punished as I see fit."

Suddenly, Merlin could feel the magic attempt to break free of his own body and seep back into the walls.  _This magic, this thing... it's alive, it's scared. In some way, it's alive._  Merlin realised, horrified.  _And if it's alive, it can probably feel pain._  With that thought in his head, Merlin mentally engulfed the magic – the thing – within his own consciousness, trapping it within his body.  _If I'm going to be punished, I want this to take some of the pain._ The struggle left Merlin unable to talk, out of fear of losing concentration and letting the evil magic flee his body.

Now fully in control, Arthur stood directly in front of Merlin, once again towering over the wizard. He grabbed Merlin by his dirty brown jacket and lifted him up, holding him against the wall. His face less than an inch away from his prisoner, Arthur looked straight into the wizard's eyes, obvious to the dual consciousness that inhabited the body.

"An eye for an eye, eh Merlin? That seems fair. You took all control away from me, so I'm going to do the same to you. The difference is, you wanted me – you still want me, you still love me. I don't. I hate you, I despise you, I don't care if you die. In fact, I don't care if I'm the one to kill you. So remember that, when I'm destroying you Merlin. Remember, that if I want to, I can kill you – and I wouldn't shed a single tear."

Despite the attention required in the struggle over his body, Merlin was utterly broken by Arthur's words. For the past six years Merlin had loved Arthur, ready to die for him on countless occasions and sacrificing more than Arthur would ever know. Merlin had no doubt that he was telling the truth, and that hurt more than anything he'd ever gone through to protect the King.

"I want you to know Merlin, and I want you to remember – you can never have me the way you want me. I will never love you."

Merlin looked into the King's eyes, and suddenly he felt heartbroken. Realising what was going to happen, a single tear ran down his cheek.  _This is going to be everything I ever wanted, everything I ever fantasied about – Arthur Pendragon will fuck me, he will kiss me, he might even hold me. But he won't want me, he doesn't love me._

Merlin tried his hardest not to sob at the cruel nature of his punishment.

_He's going to break my heart._

"Yes, you realise it now." Arthur smiled coldly, watching a tear run down the wizard's cheek. "What you did to me was so intimate, so personal, so irreversible – how could the punishment be anything else? Now, enough talking."

Arthur released his hold on Merlin and let him drop to the floor. Then, grabbing the clothing on the wizard's right shoulder Merlin was pushed against the portcullis and lifted up slightly so Arthur was looking directly at the back of the wizard's head. Arthur then pushed his chest against Merlin's back, keeping the wizard in place with his own weight. Using his free hands to untangle the rope, he moved his mouth to the younger man's right ear and breathed deeply.

"What do you feel Merlin, when my body is pressed against yours?" Arthur whispered loudly, feeling Merlin's body shiver with arousal. The wizard, however, didn't answer.

"I asked you a question Merlin, what do you feel?"

"Is that the hilt of your sword, Arthur, or are you enjoying this as much as I am?" Merlin replied, leaning his head back so his lips nearly brushed Arthur's.

"Oh Merlin," Arthur replied, moving his head further towards Merlin and letting their lips brush as he spoke, "believe me, the very idea of being with you fills me with disgust."

Merlin let out an unconvincing laugh, a poor attempt to hide the pain that Arthur's words caused. Arthur had managed to untangle the rope, and cut Merlin's laugh short by pressing his right wrist against a metal column in the centre of the portcullis. Holding Merlin's wrist in place with his own hand, Arthur skilfully used his left hand to weave one of the strands of rope around the column and wrist, securing it with a double knot. Satisfied that the rope was tight enough, Arthur repeated the process on the other wrist.

"Bondage, Arthur? I didn't know you had it in you." Merlin tried to joke. The arousal he felt was already building quickly, threatening to distract him from the mental battle he was still fighting. For now, he had control over the blighted magic that had almost killed his king, but Merlin could not tell how long he could hold the advantage for.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Merlin. You don't know how much I hate you, how much you disgust me. Your very being, your magic, your lies – you. You repulse me."

_Oh, I think I'm getting a clue now though._  Merlin couldn't keep the facade up any longer, any hope of infuriating Arthur into giving up was bound to fail, and would only increase the King's hatred of him. He resigned himself to his fate and the dark, painful feeling that had swallowed his heart.

Arthur had moved on to tying Merlin's ankles to the metal, a task quickly finished. Now, Merlin was sprawled out across the portcullis, his wrists away from his body and just above his head, whilst his legs were parted just wider than shoulder width. Whilst his arms were extended fully, there was a slight give in Merlin's legs which allowed him to rest his feet on a metal bar running horizontally across the portcullis. This posture made Merlin's legs bend slightly at the knee, forcing his arse out towards the king.

Arthur looked over Merlin, admiring his handiwork.

"Presenting yourself to me? I suppose you're used to that, aren't you? You're probably quite the little tavern whore."

Merlin couldn't even respond to that, the idea of sharing his body with anyone other than Arthur was repugnant to him.

"Ah, but something is wrong." Arthur continued, seemingly oblivious to Merlin's sniffling. "You're still dressed. I suppose you're not used to keeping your clothes on for so long. Let me help." Arthur drew his sword and slipped it up Merlin's top, slowly and deliberately, until the tip rested against the wizard's neck.

"I would have run this through you earlier, wizard, if I knew what you really were."

_He can't even say my name now._

With one quick movement, Arthur twisted the sword and brought it towards himself, cutting open the wizards shirt and jacket and leaving Merlin's back exposed. Then, in two more quick movements, Arthur's sword cut open both of the sleeves, allowing the clothes to drop to the floor beneath him. Merlin shivered when the chill of the room assaulted his body, nearly losing control of the rebellious magic trapped in his mind. Arthur once again pushed himself towards Merlin, wrapping his arms around the wizard's body and running his hands over his chest.

"Is this how you imagined me touching you, wizard? In those cold, lonely nights, was this what it was like?" Arthur began to play with Merlin's nipples, already erect due to the chill. "Oh, I suppose you would have assumed I would be saying 'I love you', or 'never leave me'." Arthur began to lower his hands towards Merlin's crotch, slowly and deliberately pushing them against the wizard's body, forcing him to respond to the pressure and push his arse against Arthur.

"Straighten up!" Arthur roared, thrusting his crotch against Merlin's arse, causing the wizard's legs to bend slightly. He then lowered his hand into Merlin's pants and wrapped his fingers around Merlin's hard, throbbing cock. With one, then two, tugs, Arthur could feel Merlin's precum lubricate his head and rub onto Arthur's hand.

"Hm, boy, you're really too easy. It's pathetic, how easy you are to arouse. But I could stand here all day and still not feel a thing." Then, Arthur released Merlin's shaft and grabbed the top of his pants. In one rough motion, he ripped them off the wizard, leaving him spread out against the portcullis naked, his erect length pushing through one of the square gaps.

Arthur stepped away from the wizard and made his way to the gate. Taking the keys out from his pocket, he opened the door and walked over to look at Merlin through the bars. Standing close enough for Merlin's throbbing cock to be pressed against the King's crotch, Arthur looked into his eyes.

"I want you to watch me. I want you to see what you will never have."

Merlin wanted desperately to refuse the King, refuse Arthur, but he couldn't. He simply did not have the self control. _I want to see this, so badly._

Taking three steps back from his prisoner, but always maintaining eye contact, King Arthur began to strip. He begun by removing the two leather shoes he wore around the castle and tossed them to his right, letting them hit the wall and drop to the ground. He repeated this with his socks too, and then removed his thick jacket, which joined the growing pile of clothes. Following this was the light cotton shirt he wore around the castle, which he pulled up from his waist to reveal his perfectly toned stomach, then slowly higher to show Merlin his pecs. For the first time eye contact was broken as the shirt was slowly lifted over his face, teasing the wizard as he watched the various muscles dance across Arthur's body. The shirt was carelessly tossed to the right.

Standing there in his leather trousers, Merlin could not help but notice the strong 'v' shape that led so promisingly towards Arthur's cock. Almost desperate for Arthur to take his pants off, a weak murmur escaped his lips. Arthur laughed at him, cold and sarcastic.

"You're pathetic."

Arthur unbuttoned the three buttons on his pants as slowly as he took off his shirt. Each seemed to Merlin to take an eternity, allowing the wizard to fantasise about what might escape when the deed was finished. His mind pictured Arthur's glorious cock from the night before, and Merlin wondered what it would mean if Arthur was already erect.

_I'm sure last night, there were things he did that I didn't make him do. That he must have done because he wanted to._

Eventually Arthur's trousers were open, and Merlin was disappointed to see nothing burst out. He realised he was foolish to believe that Arthur was doing this because he wanted Merlin.  _I guess he really does want to tease me, to hurt me._

Arthur let his pants fall slowly to his feet, then stepped out of them – never breaking eye contact with the wizard. Underneath his trousers he wore black boxers, that Merlin thought contrasted brilliantly with his golden skin.

"Am I everything you ever wanted, wizard?" Arthur asked, sure of the answer but relishing the humiliation admittance would cause his prisoner.

Merlin remained silent, staring at his King openly.

"Am I?" Arthur repeated, an edge in his voice that demanded an answer.

Merlin sighed, knowing he would have to answer. His cock was already twitching in reply.

"Yes."

"Yes?" Arthur repeated, in that familiar tone he used when Merlin became too familiar.

"Yes, my King."

"That's right, Merlin. I am everything you ever wanted, and you disgust me. You are nothing to me."

Arthur had used those words so much now that Merlin had resigned himself to their appropriateness. He couldn't pretend it was otherwise, he would be convincing no-one.

Not waiting for a reply, Arthur slipped his hands down his boxers, cupping his cock and balls in his hands, hidden behind the black fabric. He then ran his hands round to the edge of his arse. Turning around slightly so Merlin could see, he revealed his perfectly rounded bum. Turning fully, so his back was to the wizard, he allowed his boxers to hit the floor and kicked them alongside the rest of his clothes.

He stepped backwards to close the distance between himself and the wizard, until he could feel the head of Merlin's cock press lightly against his left cheek. Merlin let out another sigh as he pushed himself towards Arthur, ignoring the cold metal on his skin.

"Do you want to fuck me again, wizard?" Arthur asked, as he circled his hips to make his arse rub Merlin's cock. Merlin let out another moan as his foreskin was pushed over his head again by the friction of the contact. The stimulation created a new load of precum, that was smearing the King's cheeks.

"Do you want to fuck me again?" Arthur repeated.

"Yes. Fuck yes." Merlin replied, unable to control himself, and began thrusting lightly into the cheeks, rubbing precum on Arthur's hole. Arthur allowed this, and even pushed against Merlin's cock to open himself up slightly. Merlin thrust harder, pleasure flowing through his body.

Arthur backed away abruptly. Turning to look at Merlin, he laughed.

"Do you honestly think, wizard, I would let you?" Arthur paused waiting for Merlin to recover from the sensations he had caused. "Look at you, you're pale, scrawny and weak. I could have my choice of any knight in Camelot, did you ever believe I would choose you?"

Arthur's sneer tore through Merlin, addressing his deepest insecurities. Merlin has always known he wasn't built like a knight, that he didn't have the muscles or the strength Sir Gwaine, Sir Leon or Sir Percival had, but he'd told himself that Arthur would love him for who he was. Now, in just a few words Arthur had extinguished any hope Merlin had that he could have won Arthur's heart. Looking at him, stood proudly like a golden statue of a god on Earth, Merlin realised the King was just too perfect to ever settle for a man like Merlin.

_It's almost as if he knew exactly what to say._ Merlin sighed inwardly, momentarily dropping his guard and letting a weak slither of magic escape. The bitterness hit him instantly.

"If that's true, Pendragon, then why are you nursing a pretty hard semi?" As soon as the words were out, Merlin regained control of the blight. He was expecting Arthur's retaliation to be swift and brutal, but instead the King laughed.

"Don't flatter yourself, Merlin, it's not because of you. I was just thinking back to this morning. After you left my chambers, Sir Gwaine paid me a visit. He made one of his jokes and I judged him to have gone too far, so I made him kneel down and blow me." Merlin was stunned at what Arthur was admitting – perhaps there was hope for him after all, if Arthur was that way inclined. "You see, wizard, unlike you, Sir Gwaine is a real man. He is strong, he is tough – all qualities you lack – but most of all, I let him do it. He didn't have to ask me, nor force me. I wanted him to do it."

Arthur let his words hang in the air, as Merlin felt tears sting his eyes.

"I wanted him to do it Merlin. I will never want you to." As if to prove his point, Arthur's cock began to rise from its semi-erect state to it's full length, his perfect head slightly moist due to the arousal caused by his own description of the morning's encounter.

_So, that was it._ Merlin was broken. Gone was any hope that the King enjoyed this punishment, that the wanted to fuck Merlin, that he had the same fantasies the he did.  _No, I'll never be good enough for him_. Resigned to his fate, Merlin concentrated on the battle inside his mind.

"But now, for your punishment." Arthur said, as he strode back into the prison.

_What more could there possibly be?_

Once again facing the back of Merlin's head, Arthur pushed his naked body against the wizard. His cock was on the same level as Merlin's arse, pressed in between his cheeks. Arthur thrust twice, rubbing precum over the wizard as his cock bushed over Merlin's hole. When a light rhythm was established, Arthur's hands roamed Merlin's body, tightly hugging the wizard and bringing him into the thrusting. Merlin's cock was fully erect now, throbbing with ecstasy without being touched. A slight breeze blew into the prison, and the cool air on his wet, sensitive head made him throw back his head and moan loudly.

Taking Merlin's exposed neck as a signal, Arthur began to lightly kiss the wizard's collarbone, sucking enough on his pale white skin and leaving red marks. He worked his way up to the jaw, his kisses more passionate as his thrusts became quicker. Merlin felt powerless with his body tied between to the portcullis, with no choice but to fully surrender himself to Arthur.

Arthur's left hand worked its way up Merlin's torso, across his face and into the wizard's hair, his fingers rubbing Merlin's scalp which sent ripples of pleasure through the wizard. When the rush almost got too much and Merlin tried to cover his neck, Arthur grabbed his hair and pulled his head back, increasing his assault on the wizard's neck with his mouth. Arthur's other hand began to slide down Merlin, dancing around the erect length, teasing Merlin until he begged.

"Please," he gasped, "I'm... so... hard...".

Arthur responded by running his finger up Merlin's shaft and began circling his head, tormenting the younger man with a teasing pleasure he never knew could exist. Merlin's body spasmed and he thrust his hips backwards to escape Arthur's finger, only serving to increase the pressure exerted by Arthur's cock against Merlin's entrance. Arthur responded by wrapping his fingers around Merlin's wand and pulling his whole body outwards, then followed by a thrust so the servant was pushed against the metal bars.

Arthur continued to kiss Merlin's neck, then pushed his head downwards so his lips were on Merlin's ear.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Merlin?"

_He's using my name again!_ Merlin cheered.  _Perhaps he's enjoying himself too much to pretend he hates me. Perhaps this is as hot for him as it is for me. Was the punishment a pretence?_

"Yes, Arthur. Fuck me." Merlin panted, his body screaming for the touch of his king, his king who might actually love him after all.

Arthur grunted his reply, and spat on his own dick. Pressing it against Merlin's arse, he used his fingers to rub the liquids in and around Merlin's hole and prised him open with a few fingers. The way Arthur had tied Merlin up meant that the wizard was naturally spread open, and the amount of times Merlin had entered himself had made him slightly looser than Arthur would have thought. Satisfied with his work, Arthur grabbed the metal columns above Merlin's bound wrist. Then, finding two suitable rests for his feel just below Merlin's ankles Arthur lifted himself up. Now he was hanging from the portcullis, his body spooning Merlin's comfortably.

_This is no punishment, Arthur, this is everything I ever wanted. You too, it seems. You've forgotten your own charade._

Arthur let go of the portcullis with his right hand, swinging slightly, and used it to position his cock against Merlin's hole. Merlin arched himself slightly in anticipation, pushing himself onto Arthur's head. Grabbing onto the portcullis again, Arthur forced himself into Merlin.

A mixture of pain and pleasure shot threw the wizard as Arthur began to thrust rhythmically. Soon the pain disappeared, with each thrust already bringing Merlin closer to orgasm. Arthur began to kiss Merlin's neck again, light moans escaping his mouth. The sensation of Arthur's skin against Merlin's arms, neck, back, legs and arse, the smell of his body filling his nostrils, the sweat mingling between the two created a moment so magical for Merlin that the blight in his head subsided and sheer ecstasy enveloped him.

_We're making love, not having sex._

Arthur's moans began to form coherent words that the wizard didn't notice at first, lost as he was in his own arousal. Each sense was bringing a unique type of arousal to Merlin; The sound of Arthur's voice, rather than the words he was saying, purred into his ears; The glimpses of Arthur's head as he kissed his neck; the smell of Arthur's scent and sweat filling up his nostrils; and the feel of Arthur's skin on his body and his cock inside him. All that was left was taste. Daringly, Merlin rolled his head towards Arthur so their noses touched. Tentatively, the wizard leaned in slightly and brushed his lips against Arthur's in a light kiss, then slowly moved away, waiting for a response. Arthur's response was rapid and powerful. Moving his head towards Merlin's, their lips touched again in an exchange of furious kissing, almost cannibalistic. The taste of Arthur was exhilarating, each kiss an expression of the lust the two felt for each other. Arthur was still groaning incoherent words into Merlin's mouth as they kissed.

_He wants this. He wants me. He must love me, it's obvious!_

On that simple realisation, Merlin's body cried out for Arthur. For every touch, every thrust, Merlin wanted more. He began to move himself in rhythm with Arthur's thrusts, knowing that his effort was appreciated as Arthur let out a muffled cry. Wanting to hear his moans clearly, Merlin broke the kiss.

"You like that Arthur?" Merlin asked breathless.

"Oh yes, god oh yes!" Arthur breathed into his ear. "Oh, Gwaine!"

Merlin's world crumbled. As Arthur kept thrusting, holding himself up on the portcullis and pushing his cock deeper and deeper into Merlin, he began to cry out for Gwaine.

"Gwaine, you like it? Do you want me to keep fucking you?"

Merlin began to cry as the horror of the situation hit him.  _Was I really foolish enough to believe that Arthur loved me? Arthur broke my heart, then fixed it in a beat... only to break it all over again._ Merlin's sobs echoed around the prison, joining the symphony of Arthur's moans of "Gwaine!" and the slapping of his body against Merlin's arse. Merlin began to struggle in an attempt to undo the knots in the ropes.

"Oh Gwaine, I want you so bad. You're so fucking tight." Arthur continued, whispering down Merlin's ear, ignoring the struggle beneath him.

"You like it deep in there Gwaine? Do you?" Arthur's moans grew louder and louder as he got closer to cumming, in time with his deepening thrusts.

"Gwaine! Gwaine! You want me to shoot in you? Oh yeah, Gwaine, give it to me. Gwaine, I love you! I fucking love you!"

At those words a blind rage flew through Merlin and he gave into the dark magic in his mind. It began to fire all manner of spells against Arthur, to no avail. He continued to pound Merlin's ass, screaming Gwaine's name as he did so. After a few minutes, Merlin gave up and locked the magic back in his head. Once again defeated, Merlin resigned himself to his heartbreak.

"Scream your name!" Arthur commanded.

Merlin remained silent, lest his sobs became audible.

"Scream your name!" Arthur repeated, the familiar edge in his voice that said this was not a command to ignore.

"MERLIN!" Merlin screamed, his voice louder than anticipated as Arthur repositioned himself, hitting Merlin's prostate.

"Scream your name, Gwaine!" Arthur repeated, a ferocious smile in his voice.

_The humiliation._

"Gwaine." Merlin replied, bitterly.

"Louder!"

"GWAINE!" Merlin hated himself for it, but he was getting quite close to orgasm.

_So, now my heart's broken and I'm humiliated by the man I love. But why do I enjoy it? I really am that pathetic, that desperate for Arthur? I'm a fucking mess._ Merlin realised that Arthur had achieved his trio of punishments – he lost his love, his dignity and his self-respect.

Yes even that realisation didn't stop Merlin from pushing himself harder and harder onto Arthur's cock. Sweat was running down Arthur as his muscles bulged from the effort required to keep himself held up. His golden tan contrasted perfectly with Merlin's pale skin, which Merlin once again noticed as the King brought his hand down to his prisoner's cock.

"I'm getting close Gwaine, I'm gonna cum in you." Arthur moaned, obviously on the edge.

As Arthur's thrusts began to increase in power and speed, he started to wank Merlin off, his hand lubricated by the precum.

"Gwaine, are you close?" There was no edge in Arthur's voice, only the desire to cum.

"Yes, Arthur, I'm close." Merlin replied, hating himself and yet needing release.

"I'm gonna blow Gwaine, I'm so close." Arthur panted, banging furiously against Merlin's prostate. The wizard cried out in pleasure, forgetting about the blight in his mind, focusing solely on the sensations of orgasm. Arthur, perhaps remembering the previous night, took his hand off Merlin's cock and grabbed on to the portcullis, using the extra stability to allow him to go deeper inside the wizard. As his cock pounded Merlin Arthur could feel his own begin to throb uncontrollably, but before he could mention it, Merlin interrupted.

"I'm cumming Arthur, I'm cumming. One more thrust." Arthur obliged the wizard, and rolled his hips into one perfect, deep thrust that sent him over the edge.

"I'm fucking cumming Merlin!" Arthur cried as he erupted into Merlin's arse, continuing to thrust into the wizard as he shot heavy loads.

The mention of his name by Arthur was too much for Merlin to bare.

"Arthur!" Merlin cried as he shot his cum through the portcullis and onto the chamber floor, Arthur's thrust slowing down to a stop.

As the energy of orgasm left Merlin, the magic broke out of his mind. The force of it sent Arthur flying out of Merlin, hitting the wall behind them, as the cloud of energy took a semi human form. It pointed at Arthur and rushed towards him, a terrible murderous howl filling the chamber. Once again, the magic was negated by Gaius's potion and dissipated.

"Fear, Pendragon, fear. Revenge will be ours!" The voice boomed from the wall, as the cloud reformed in the centre of the room. "We will find your weakness, we will kill you. You coward, hiding behind your servant-wizard for protection. Oh how he fought for you, but we are powerful! We will kill you, Pendragon, for your family's crimes. Revenge! Destroy! Burn!"

The cloud began to take human shape again, when a blast of golden light shot from the body of Merlin and pierced the corporeal figure, creating another explosion which burnt through Merlin's ropes and threw him to the ground.

Then, silence.

Arthur stood up, his penis soft but damp with cum, his naked body now cold in the evening chill. He walked over to Merlin and looked at the pitiful form of his prisoner, the King's seed dripping from his arse and mingling with the sweat and dirt, his body cut from his fall. A torrent of emotions hit him as Merlin opened his eyes slightly and gazed at Arthur. It wasn't hatred in the young wizard's eyes, like Arthur expected, but regret.

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I couldn't beat it... I tried... I tried so..." He faded into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this, or have any suggestions or thoughts, please do let me know!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinsley is on the move, but who can convince Arthur that something needs to be done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support so far, it really does keep me writing this!

"Excellent news, thank you Sir Thomas. This is a firm step forward for -"

"Bullshit!" Gwaine's voice rang out across the chamber.

"Excuse me, Sir Gwaine, do you have something to say?" Arthur replied, his cool tone silencing the room. The important men and women of Camelot, knights, ambassadors, vassals and business owners, amongst others, made their surprise audible. Although sometimes more forward with the new King than they would have been with Uther, none had ever dared to swear in his presence.

"Sire, what are we doing here? Why are we talking about Tom's bloody statues? Why-"

"Sir Gwaine, the statues represent an important part of Camelot's history, of the vic-" Sir Thomas retorted, the dislike burning furiously in his voice.

"And they'll mean piss all when Kinsley's bloody men are raping the city. No statues will save us then."

"End this talk of Kinsley, Sir Gwaine. He is an outlaw, a criminal. No man will serve under his banner, no Prince will aide his cause. He is dead to this kingdom."

A pause broke through the brief exchange, the silence exploding leaving only tension in its wake. Quietly, Gwaine replied.

"That's not what the reports say. We all know what Kinsley is doing - the bastard is raising an army through-"

"Enough of your swearing Sir Gwaine, you forget your position." Arthur snapped, his hands shaking slightly with rage.

"Then look past my language and listen to my arguments. You've never been a fool Arthur, don't start now. Kinsley is raising an army through magic. Through dark, dirty magic, and he has his sights set on Camelot. It will not be enough to merely repel him, we have to take the fight to him, we have to destroy him."

"Enough! This meeting is over. Sir Gwaine, consider your future before your insolence allows another outburst like that." Storming out of the room, the court quickly began to gossip about Kinsley, war, and Sir Gwaine's future.

Before Merlin could assess what had just happened, Gaius appeared at his side.

"Should you not be following the King, Merlin? It looks like he could do with some friendly advice." Gaius said, unaware of the situation between Arthur and his servant.

"Erm... yeah, of course. See you for dinner."

Merlin left the throne room, aware that Arthur would have gone to his chambers. He knew that the way there meant he should turn right, but he had no desire to do so. The past month had been awkward enough, and it was obvious Arthur had no desire to speak to the wizard.

After the incident in Portcullis Nook, and accepting that Merlin had probably saved Arthur's life, the King had begrudgingly pardoned him. However, when the news broke that Merlin was no longer Arthur's servant, Gaius and Queen Guinevere quickly intervened, suspecting a little disagreement between the two had gotten out of hand. Arthur, unable to tell the truth about what happened, eventually went along with their nagging and reinstated Merlin, who was now a servant in public, but made to sit in the corner when it was just the two men alone. Merlin, grateful to be allowed back into Arthur's life, however unwillingly, was wary of pushing the boundary too far.

_And this would not be the best moment to try and influence the King._

Before Merlin could make his way down the corridor, a strong hand gripped his arm.

"I need a favour." Gwaine whispered in his ear. "But we need to speak somewhere privately."

Merlin sighed as he was dragged into a nearby empty room, sparsely furnished with a chair, bookcase and table, intended to keep important visitors entertained before they were welcomed to court. A sense of _tiredness_ overshadowed the wizard's curiosity - he was tired of secrets, of deception and secret plans. All he wanted right now, and for a long time afterwards he supposed, was to live quietly, to keep Camelot safe and pray one day Arthur would forgive him and maybe, just maybe, smile at him again.

_I'll be waiting a long time._

"What is it, Gwaine?"

"You need to convince him, Merlin."

"The king makes up his own mind." Merlin replied, knowing he would have no chance to convince Arthur of anything, even if he would want to.

"Cut the shit out Merlin, I'm in a rush. You know what is happening, you know what Kinsley is doing - and you know the consequence for Camelot when he marches. You have to get Arthur to see sense, while we still have the upper hand."

"He won't listen to me, Gwaine. You'll have to find someone else."

"No. Only you will do Merlin, he'll listen to you." There was a slight desperation to Gwaine's voice.

 _He is scared. Scared for the future of Camelot. He's feeling what the king should be feeling._ It almost pained Merlin to deny Gwaine's request, but he had to.

"He won't, trust me, he won't."

"Don't be silly Merlin, you're his friend - his best friend, probably - though it would pain him to admit it. Yeah, you're going through a rough patch, all friends do. But what connects you two is deep, he'll listen."

"No, it..." Merlin's voice broke under the pain of his conscience.

"This isn't the time for you to be weak, Merlin. You must do this, your magic  - yes, I remember you using it on me - I could feel that you used but a drop in the ocean of the power available to you then. That magic will make him listen. The King, and the King before him, believed 'magic knows magic like sword knows sword'. You alone could -"

"I raped him." Merlin shouted, not caring who heard his admission, hoping to find absolution in another's disgust.

"What?"

"I raped him. I stopped him being Arthur, a person, and turned him into a tool to satisfy my own demands. I used my magic to control him, I made him hold me, undress me, kiss me, push me onto the bed. I made him ready for me, I made him moan, I made him cum, I made him make me cum, and I made him love me. I made him want me. Just for one night, I made him mine. And now he hates me, and I hate myself. So what do you think, Sir Gwaine, am I still your best bet to make Arthur give a fuck? I've already taken one fuck from him, he might not have another to spare."

There was a brief pause.  _I've lost another friend._

"I think that's hot." Gwaine replied simply, a smile playing on his lips.

"Did you not hear me? I'm heartbroken, and you say -"

"So, is it all knights you have a thing for, or was it just Arthur?" Gwaine asked, advancing on the wizard, his hand hovering over his own crotch.

"What? It... no, not knights... Arthur." Merlin stammered, aware Gwaine was very close now.

Leaning in to Merlin, Gwaine whispered into his ears, his lips brushing the wizard's skin. "Do you want to take control of me, Merlin?"

"No, I.." Merlin replied, faintly. The strong aroma of the knight, mixed with the sweat following a hard day's training, reminded him of Arthur, made him _want_ Arthur. He was aware of Gwaine's hand working its way down his body.

"That's not what your body is saying. One of you is a liar, and I believe your cock over you."

Merlin began a rejection, but was distracted by the sensation of Gwaine's lips kissing Merlin's ears. Surrendering himself to the knight, Merlin exposed his whole neck. Taking the hint, Gwaine's lips danced along the pale white skin, rougher yet with more certainty than Arthur's, leaving red marks. The sensation of Gwaine's breath on Merlin's wet neck, of his long hair brushing against Merlin's collarbone and of his hands roaming his body drove the wizard crazy, making him realise just how horny he had been.

"Do you want me, Merlin?"

"I don't -" Merlin tried, again.

"Are you sure?" Gwaine replied in a low sing-song voice. He gazed into Merlin's eyes, and maintained contact as he took off his leather jacket and white linen shirt, leaving his bare torso exposed.

"I don't think there's a need to ask again, is there?" In one swift motion, Gwaine had lowered Merlin's trousers, and scooped Merlin up in his hands, allowing the wizard to kick off his pants and wrap his legs around the stronger knight. Still kissing the wizard, Gwaine's hand clenched Merlin's arse in hands, and slowly began to circle his hole with his finger.

Merlin responded by arching his head back further and opening himself up to Gwaine's advances, closing his eyes and thinking of the similarities between the muscled bodies of Gwaine and Arthur. The feeling of the leather of Gwaine's trousers on Merlin's thighs gave the wizard an unexpected rush, and he felt his cock trapped against Gwaine's body struggling to break free.

"That's it Merlin, give in. I'm yours now." Gwaine growled, his finger entering Merlin roughly. Recalling a spell he read in preparation for Arthur, Merlin magically lubed his hole, easing the discomfort of Gwaine's forcefulness.

"Your magic comes in useful, wizard." Gwaine responded, inserting another finger. Merlin began to moan loudly at the sensation, despite the fact he was aware the court was just across the hall. Rocking his hips to Gwaine's rhythm, the rush of being caught, the urgency, drove Merlin closer to orgasm quicker than he thought possible.

"I'm... close." The wizard panted, a bead of sweat running down his forehead.

"Not so quickly, Merlin." Gwaine teased, pushing the wizard onto the large wooden table, letting his bare legs wave in the air.  "Are you ready for me, boy?"

"Yes." Merlin pleaded, his body aching to be entered, his cock throbbing with the anticipation of release. Gwaine responded to his reply by undoing his own leather pants, and releasing his cock. Merlin noticed it was a good size, slightly smaller than Arthur's, but still very impressive.

"If it helps, you can picture the King. I don't mind." Gwaine teased. "Oh, and you might want to lube yourself up again, I'm quite a lot to handle." Placing himself between the wizard's legs, the knight rested Merlin's calves on his shoulders. Merlin had just uttered the final syllable of his spell as Gwaine pushed his erection against Merlin's hole, forcing entry.

The familiar mixture of pleasure and pain shot through Merlin's body, the latter slowly subsiding as the wizard got used to Gwaine's rapid thrusting. Merlin's hands gripped the sides of the table to prevent the force of Gwaine pushing him off, whilst the knight's tight torso slapped against the back of Merlin's legs.

"Oh Merlin, you're so fucking tight, I'm getting close too." Gwaine cried,  his thrusts increasing in intensity as he brought his hands up behind his head. The pounding was growing louder and louder, almost covering Merlin's moans.

"I'm going to cum Merlin, cum with me."

"I'm not... I'm not there, yet." Merlin replied, his head lolled back and his eyes closed, waiting for the tidal wave of orgasm to build up, like it did with Arthur. This new position had thrown Merlin. He wasn't counting on going so far with Gwaine.

"Ok, Merlin, I can hang on for a minute, at most. You're just so hot, and tight." Gwaine murmured, pleasure engulfing him. "I'll help you along." Lowering his hands, he gripped Merlin's erect cock and began to wank him off as vigorously as his thrusting, his other hand gripping the wizard's shoulder. Biology overrode psychology as Merlin's misgivings were pushed to one side, his mind focusing on the new sensation brought by Gwaine's hand.

"I'm, closer... I'm nearly there." Merlin responded, Gwaine's movements bringing him closer to ecstasy.

"Me too Merlin. Cum with me."

"Yeah." Merlin breathed, almost inaudibly.

"Ready, yeah? Three, two... one... now Merlin!" The wizard felt Gwaine release inside of him, accompanied by a loud roar. Merlin came just after, Gwaine pumping his cock to release every drop of cum within him over the wizard's shirt. Merlin felt the sexual energy leave his body, but the dizzying pleasure he felt riding Arthur's cock was absent. His toes didn't curl, his body didn't feel like it was about to explode and he didn't feel... happy. He felt wrong, he felt uneasy, he felt dirty to be presented to Gwaine like this, to show something so private to Gwaine that he couldn't take back. Merlin realised he had given away a piece of himself to the knight, a piece he never wanted to lose to anyone but Arthur. A sudden realisation hit the wizard, not the kind that brings the pleasure he was hoping for, but rather the kind that rips apart someone's soul.

"Sorry about your shirt Merlin, but that was amazing..." Gwaine said as he ducked under Merlin's legs and pulled his pants up.

Merlin managed a slight verbal acknowledgement.

"I was that good, eh?"

"Is that how he felt?" Merlin asked, to nobody in particular, still lying on the table, his now soft penis flopped to the right, the cum drying on his chest and pubes.

"Erm... what?"

"Arthur, is that how he felt afterwards? After I -"

"I don't know, Merlin. Felt like what?"

"Dirty, used, worthless"

"Oh, I'm not really sure, he does't -"

"Empty, pointless, unclean, bro-"

"Ok Merlin, I get the point. Truth is, yes. He probably did. But you knew what you were doing and, let's face it, you didn't care about the consequences."

"I thought he would forget, I had a potion, it failed. I didn't want him to know." Merlin had told that story to himself, countless time since he first came up with his plan. But hearing it said out loud made brought home how empty, how naive his excuse was.

"There are some things you can't forget Merlin. Some things that are always there with you. He has changed recently, that's plain to see." Gwaine said, almost indifferently, as he found pulled his pants up and searched for his shirt.

"He's strong though, he'll get over it - wont he?" The pleading in his voice was laid bare, the full realisation of his actions open for all to see.

_By trying to have Arthur for one night, to own him, I've destroyed the very thing I loved. A cruel twist of irony, but one I deserve._

"I don't know, Merlin. I just don't know. You've seen it with this Kinsley thing. He would have seen sense a few months ago, but now, he's withdrawn. He's scared to leave the comfort of his castle."

"But... he's... that's... Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know Merlin."

"I know there's something, Gwaine, there has to be."

"Well, I reckon that... no, never mind."

"What? I want to know Gwaine."

"Ok. I think, and this is just me, if he goes out to face Kinsley, he'll feel powerful again, he'll feel strong. He'll remember the old Arthur, the Arthur that is King of Camelot. But nobody can convince him, we've all tried."

"I've not."

"With due respect, Merlin, I -"

"I'm lying on a desk with my cock out, covered in my own cum and I'm filled with yours. I don't deserve respect."

"Ah, well -"

"I'm going to speak to Arthur, I'm going to try to convince him. I've destroyed his life, it seems fitting that I should be the one who tries to fix it. I owe that much to him. If he doesn't listen, so be it. It's no more than I would expect."

Gwaine watched as the wizard whispered a few words and made the cum disappear from his person, pull his trousers up and fix his hair. He looked at Gwaine, and a momentary flare of power rose in his eyes. It faded as quickly as it appeared.

"Gwaine, I don't think this will happen again. I'm sorry." With that, Merlin quietly left.

_Why did I do that? I love Arthur, I made him fuck me against his will. Then, when I'm heartbroken because he obviously hates me I go for the first man who looks at me, for a substandard shag. I'm a fucking mess - if I can't convince - save - Arthur - I may as well give up._

As the wizard exited, Gwaine smiled. Yes, he had messed with Merlin's emotions and schemed behind Arthur's back, but his last gambit had worked. There was a chance now that perhaps, just perhaps, Camelot had a fighting chance at survival... and he'd got a pretty decent shag out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you like this, or any thoughts!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Merlin convince Arthur to defend his kingdom?

For the first time in a month, Merlin had a purpose. He was going to convince Arthur to fight Kinsley, he was going to help him find his spark again, and perhaps - just perhaps - he was going to win Arthur's friendship back. He was practically running to Arthur's chambers, desperate to put the plan in his head into action, desperate to fix the mess he had made. Finding himself at Arthur's door, however, Merlin was suddenly tentative. Overcoming his nerves, he knocked twice.

"Come in."

It struck Merlin how _pleasant_ Arthur was.  _That's the first time he's spoken to me like that, without disgust in his voice. I'd almost forgotten how he sounded._

"Hello sire." Arthur's body instantly tensed at Merlin's words, the first he'd said to the King in a long time. Merlin noticed Arthur's hand subtly grip the dagger on his table.

"Merlin."

A silence grew between the two men, almost tangible in its density.

"What do you want?"

"I've come to ask... I've come to ask you to fight."

"Fight, Merlin? I didn't know that was your style. I thought you just used magic from a distance so they can't fight back."

_Ouch._

"I mean, I've come to ask you to fight Kinsley. You know he's a threat, you know -"

"He's disgraced, he can't raise an army." Arthur replied, the words sounding hollow and rehearsed.

"Arthur, you know that's not true."

"No Prince will respond to his call, they would not risk their honour."

"As you said in court. But he's not asking men, Arthur, he's making them. He's -"

"They will fall at the walls of Camelot, he's not got a big enough force."

"He'll wait. He has no rush, he'll wait until he has ten times more men then us, and he'll burn your land and kill your people as he advances." Merlin was worried by the growing despondency of the King, who actively enjoyed debate and was always open to being convinced by the merits of an argument.

"Arthur, you must realise this." Merlin pleaded, desperation rising in his voice.

"How dare you? A servant, telling the King of Camelot how to run his kingdom? Insolent fool."

_I'd forgotten how much of a royal arse he could be._ Merlin could feel his anger growing, reminding him of the times the King used to wind him up.

"Why are you getting angry at me, Arthur, and not the man who is actively threatening you with war? This is not the Arthur I know."

"YOU KILLED HIM." Arthur exploded, his whole body shaking with rage. It was a truly terrifying sight to behold, and Merlin took two steps backwards. "YOU KILLED ME."

Suddenly, two guards burst in, swords drawn.

"Sire, we heard a commotion, are you harmed?"

Arthur took a moment to compose himself, before dismissing them and lowering himself onto the side of his bed. The King looked tired, weak.

"How can I fight him, Merlin? How can I fight an army built on magic, when I couldn't even fight off one servant? Magic killed my mother, then it claimed my father. But I thought I could beat it, that having magic didn't mean one was invulnerable, that I would always be able to escape a situation. Then you came along, Merlin, and you shown me just how powerless I really am. Now, a month later, you want me to fight an army of magic? An army of things like... like you? I can't Merlin, and I will not take my knights to their death. I cannot."

"Like me? Arthur, I am not like -"

"Don't you dare, Merlin, don't you dare tell me what you are. I know what you are, and what you did. We are defined by what we do Merlin, our actions. Nothing more, nothing less. We are defined... and you broke me. You destroyed me. You took away everything I ever had. This castle used to be my home, I used to feel safe here. Now, I'm... I'm nothing, I'm a mess, I'm not living, I'm coping. I'm coping with what you did to me, Merlin. I am coping with what you did. So don't tell me what you are like, because I know. I will never forget."

At that moment, true realisation hit Merlin. He knew what he had done had been so wrong, so unjustifiable, so destructive and now he had to live with the pain.

_No. It's not my pain that matters. Why am I so selfish? Arthur has opened his heart to me and I focus on how terrible that makes me feel. No, not this time. I will make him feel better._

"Arthur, I'm sorry."

"They're just words Merlin. They're meaningless."

"I know. So, I want to help you."

"What?"

"I want to help you. I have magic, nobody else does. Or, if they do, your laws prevent them from being open about who they are."

"Merlin, you're the only person I know who can make an apology turn into a sarcastic political comment."

_Was that... was that a joke?_ _Is he joking with me?_ Merlin decided to try pushing his luck.

"I suppose laws are only as good as the man who makes them."

Instantly, Merlin knew Arthur didn't find him funny at all.

"If you're just going to make jokes, Merlin, fuck off."

"I'm sorry. I am trying to help. I will protect you from his magic."

Merlin's solemn tone forced Arthur to believe him. Fighting his better judgement, he allowed himself to get excited about the possibility of defeating Kinsley.

"Are you powerful enough?"

_Must not make a joke like "well, you should know"._

"Yes. I promise."

Arthur stood up and looked at Merlin.

_He looks like a King again. He looks like Arthur._

"This doesn't make...  _it_ better. This doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I know. But I promise, Arthur, I am sorry. So sorry." Merlin found himself closing the distance between himself and Arthur, until they were mere inches away from one another. "I will fight for you, I will defend you, and I will make sure you're safe."

"Thank you Merlin. You were always a good friend, until, well, until you were not. I just want to ask you... why?"

Merlin hesitated, he lips barely two inches from Arthur's.  _Now or never._

"I love you, Arthur. I've already told you, perhaps you didn't believe me. I love you. I always have."

For a second, Merlin thought he was going to kiss the King. For a second longer, he thought Arthur would kiss him too. For a second, he hoped it was all forgotten.

"That's not love, Merlin. That's not."

The moment was gone, and Merlin turned to leave before Arthur could notice his tears.

_He's right. What I did, it's not what you do to someone you love._

Just as Merlin reached the door, Arthur commanded him to wait. Despite his better judgement, Merlin began to imagine Arthur was going to run up to him and kiss him, like in the fairy tales.

"Merlin, after the battle everyone will have knowledge of your magic, and you will be banished from Camelot for life." It wasn't a gloat, nor was it an apology. It was a statement.

_If we are judged by our actions, I have been dealt my punishment._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts? Let me know!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Arthur shouts, Merlin shouts, and Gwen is a wise ol' owl.

Characters: Merlin, Arthur and Gwen.

 

Merlin was in a foul mood. His chores had taken longer than he had imagined, Gaius was out on business and all the bread was stale. He was sat on his bed, studying a book on potions to take his mind off his anger, when his door was nearly knocked off its hinges. In the doorway stood Arthur, in full royal regalia and fists clenched.

"You lying slut." He spat.

"Wh- what?"

"You heard me. You're a lying whore."

Merlin was beyond confused. Seconds ago he was reading and now he was being called a whore by the King.

"Arthur, w-what are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid, Merlin. We both know what you've done." Arthur struggled to look at Merlin square in the eyes, which had the effect of unnerving the wizard.

_What's he playing at? Why won't he just tell me?_

"Arthur, what?" This was not helping Merlin's mood.

The King let out a short laugh. "You know, Merlin. Or perhaps it's such a common occurrence it doesn't spring to mind."

Merlin snapped. "If you're not going to tell me Arthur, piss off. I don't have time for your shit."

"Don't you get angry at me, Merlin. You have no right."

"Then -"

"Don't say another word, wizard, save your lies for someone else."

"What -"

"No. It has all just been one big lie, one convenient excuse, hasn't it?"

"Arthur -"

"Don't... don't lie to me Merlin, not again."

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT?" Merlin erupted, so loud that the ravens took flight from the courtyard twelve stories below.

For a moment, there was a tense silence. It seemed to Merlin that Arthur was struggling with his words, like he was unsure of what exactly to say.

"You... you said you loved me." It was almost inaudible, but the words rung in Merlin's ears.

"I did. I do. Is that what you wanted to know... did you want some sort of confirmation? An ego boost?"

"You said you loved me," Arthur repeated, with more anger. "So why did you sleep with Gwaine?"

Merlin was horrified. Stunned into silence, he suddenly felt unclean again. Time seemed to slow down, before the wizard realised Arthur was waiting for an answer.

"How did you... find out?"

"That's your first response, how do I know? Are you pissed off I found out you were lying? Or is it that you're worried everyone will find out you fuck men? Or what a slag you are? "

Merlin was lost for words. It seemed he couldn't get anything right. Finally, he looked at the King.

"I'm sorry."

"Of course you are, Merlin. You're sorry. You love me." Arthur's mocking tone ripped Merlin apart, leaving him feeling... empty. "You're sorry you got caught."

"No," Merlin replied, trying to hold back the tears that were forming. "I am truly sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Oh, so this wasn't pre-meditated? Well, at least Gwaine consented. I suppose that's all we can hope for when Merlin fancies a shag."

Arthur paused, perhaps waiting for a reply. A rebuttal. For Merlin to fight back. But the wizard had nothing left to give. He deserved this. This was nothing, compared to what he put Arthur through.

"Are you trying to work your way through the whole Round Table? The cum bucket of Camelot? Do you have nothing to say for yourself?"

_And I thought things couldn't get any worse between us._

"Please, Arthur. You can't make me feel worse than I already do."

"Hmph. Pathetic. Do you know what you are, Merlin? Nothing. You are nothing. To anybody. You're so pathetically desperate for attention you've turned to whoring yourself out to anyone who looks twice at you. No wonder nobody respects you. The other servants hate you, the knights laugh at you behind your back, even Gaius thinks you're hopeless."

"Stop." Despite his best intentions, Merlin was beginning to get angry. Arthur was getting too personal, he was taking a sick joy in tormenting his servant. He was being too cruel.

"Stop? Is that what you said to Gwaine? Of course not, because how else do you feel special if it's not by fucking? You're disgusting. No wonder your father left you, then your mother sent you away."

_Too far._ Merlin was visibly shaking with rage.

"Oh don't cry again, Merlin. Your act, it's so tiresome. You make me sick, I can't even look at you."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?" Merlin exploded. "If I'm such a slut, why is a surprise Gwaine fucked me?"

That silence, the angry, hateful silence that had come to define their relationship had returned.

"Nothing to say, Arthur? Finally. What is it you want to hear? I did a shitty thing, and I am so, so sorry. I've apologised, I've even offered my life to save your kingdom." Merlin couldn't control himself, it was his emotions speaking now. Raw anger, at Arthur and at himself. His shame. His disgust. His regret. His fatigue. He was tired of feeling like this, of bottling it all up. He wanted to release it all.

"And then you come and tell me I'm worthless, I'm nothing, I'm a slut. You tell me everything I already know. But why do you care? Why does it bother you that I fucked Gwaine?"

"Your life doesn't bother me, Merlin."

"Then, again, why are you here? Why is it any of your business who I fuck?" Merlin couldn't stop. Weeks of dark feelings were flowing from him, the pent up anger at his own stupidity which cost him his best friend.

"I don't want you to do to them what you did to me." Arthur screamed back.

"There's no worry about that, sire. Gwaine came onto me. Gwaine wanted me - and that was nice. He made me feel special, after feeling like shit for so long," Merlin lied, trying his best to hurt Arthur. "And guess what, Arthur - he was so much better than you. Even with the benefits of magic you were crap in the sack."

"W-what?" The sudden shift in power in the conversation had thrown Arthur.

"After Gwaine, Arthur, you're nothing to me. I look at you and I don't see a King, I see a boy with a crown. After Gwaine, Arthur, I see how truly disappointing you are. I see that you were just a warm up for the real thing."

"Ha, more lies Merlin." Arthur was fighting back now. "They just fall out of your mouth, don't they? Is your mouth as gaping as your arse? Don't forget I still remember what you said to me, when you thought your magic had worked and you thought I'd forgot. I know how you feel, and I know how good you think I am in _the sack_."

"You hate me, you can't look at me, but you still want me to say you're good in bed? Why do you care, Arthur? I'm gay, you're not. I loved you, you hate me. Your law says that I'm wrong, illegal, that I can't love who I want because it violates nature, that I'm disgusting, that I'm dirty. So really, Arthur, why the fuck do you care?"

"I -"

"Actually, save it. Because I don't care. You might hate me, Arthur, but now the feeling's mutual. You're dead to me."

Merlin knew that was enough. Arthur looked different, he looked surprised. He turned and stormed out.

_Arthur took it too far, and he paid the price._

The anger still flowing, Merlin picked up his potions book and carried on reading.

-

Gwen had been watching Arthur for about five minutes now. His back was to her, and to anyone else he would have looked like he was staring out the window in silent contemplation. But Gwen was his wife, and she knew the King. She knew he went to that window when he was upset. The last time he was there was after Uther died.

"Arthur." She said quietly. He didn't even turn to look at her.

"Gwen."

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing, Arthur. Don't lie to me. It's Merlin, isn't it?"

There were no words, just a very slight nod of his head.

"I know you've fallen out, it's obvious to everyone. But it's not obvious why."

Arthur didn't respond.

"Yet," Gwen chose her words carefully now, trying to not startle the King. "I could hazard a guess."

"No." Arthur was still staring out of the window.

"Arthur, give me some credit. I know you. I understand you. I know Merlin. I understand him. I can read you both."

Silence. Gwen knew this wouldn't be easy, getting through to the King, but it broke her heart to see him so unhappy.

"I know you're angry he lied. I know you're angry he deceived you. He deceived us all. But he had to."

This made Arthur turn towards Gwen, only slightly, but it was a start.

"What?"

"It's the law. It stops people like him being... open. It creates a culture that suffocates him. That makes him feel like everyone is against him. Imagine living like that - think of the things it could drive you to."

"So it's my fault?"

"No. That's not what I said. I'm saying, Merlin is confused. He feels like he's worse than everyone else. He can't talk to anybody about what he is, because he's scared he'll be shunned, or worse,  arrested and killed."

"It's... illegal. It's unnatural."

"Unnatural? You don't really think that Arthur. You can't. It is not Merlin's fault he is what he is. Just like it's not your fault what you are."

Arthur turned to face his Queen.

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know... I think we both know what I mean."

"What are you talking about?"

Gwen had thought about this moment a long time. She loved her husband, she always had. He was her best friend, and she loved him just for being... him, whatever that meant. It pained her to see him so upset, over something that should be so easy to remedy.  _If helping Arthur face the truth means I'm cast out, that's fine. It's worth it._

"Gwen, what are you saying?"

"I know why Merlin's secret bothers you so much. It's because it's your secret too."

"What do you think Merlin was hiding, Gwen?"

"I think, Arthur, it's better if you say it. Out loud. To me. For me."

Silence.

"I love you, Arthur. I always will, regardless of... whatever. I only want you to be happy."

Arthur looked at his queen, and realised for the first time what a wonderful person she was. What a wonderful, understanding, caring, beautiful person she was. He tried to gather up the courage so familiar when on the battlefield, but it eluded him. He tried to speak, but he couldn't force the words out. His heart was thumping in his chest and his breathing began to speed up. He was scared, of words. Of the truth. Gwen cupped his hand gently, trying to reassure him.

"He's..." Arthur tried, before sighing. "He's got magic."

Gwen smiled sadly at Arthur, before pulling her husband towards her in a warm embrace.

"Ok, Arthur," she whispered in his ear, "we were talking about his magic."

_One day, he'll be ready._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting close to the end now!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war looms near, but the real battle is in Arthur’s head.

The next month saw Camelot prepare for war. Arthur became increasingly withdrawn as the days went by, refusing to engage in any conversation beyond his formal duties as King. Finally, when the day came for his army to march to meet Kinsley in battle, no-one even tried to address their king.

Moving silently out of the courtyard in formation, the King waved a slow, forced goodbye to his Queen, who was watching him from their bedroom window. For the rest of the day he gazed into the distance, letting Leon issue orders and decide resting points.

Merlin was some way behind the king, taking in the sights of Camelot. This would, in all probability, be the last time he'd ever see the city. There would be no return journey for him, he was sure Arthur would see to that.

"Merlin, why so glum?" Percival asked, startling the wizard who was deep in thought.

"It's nothing, Perce."

"Is it because we're riding to war?"

"No, it's not, but really -"

"Is it because you cried at the hanging yesterday?"

"What?! How did you know?"

"Gwaine told me. He's quite the gossip, you know."

"So I've come to learn." Merlin said, through gritted teeth.

"It's Arthur, isn't it? I know, you all say I'm not  the most perceptive, or the smartest, but even I can see that."

Merlin sighed. Percival was a good man. Percival still thought Merlin was a good man.

"Yeah, it's Arthur. It just... hurts, that he can't talk to me any more."

"I know, Merl. We all have different ways of dealing with things. I think Arthur is... struggling with something. Something important to him. Let him deal with it the best way he knows, he'll talk when he's ready."

"You know, Perce... you're not as thick as you look." Merlin replied, laughing quite freely for the first time in a while. He'd forgotten how his laugh sounded.

"Ha, watch it Merlin. I could still throw you off that horse quicker than you can say 'gangly servant'."

The two continued to joke until they reached camp, where Leon was giving the knights a briefing. There were roughly fifty men there, Merlin guessed, and apparently each one commanded two hundred men. That was one of the biggest armies Camelot had raised in living memory. Each knight listened carefully as Leon described the potential threats of Kinsley's creations, the way he was known to use magic, and the experiences of fighting magic Gaius had documented during his long career in court.

"How many do you think there will be, Leon?" Asked Gwaine, looking less cocksure than usual.

"Reports estimate around 40,000, although by the time we reach him he could easily have increased this to equal our numbers." Gwaine looked less than reassured.

"And where will we do battle?" Another knight asked.

"There is a large plain a few leagues beyond his castle. We will make him face us there. An open battle."

Merlin was horrified by Leon's announcement.  _They'll be like sitting ducks for Kinsley's magic._ The same realisation seemed to have reached the knights too, because the questions gave way to an awkward silence. Leon dismissed the men soon after, and soon it was just Arthur who remained.

He sat there, silently, lost in his own thoughts for the best part of an hour until a page boy disturbed his peace.

"Sire, a message."

Arthur nodded, allowing the page to approach him. He took the letter from the young boy and examined the seal; it was from the Queen. He motioned for the page to leave.

Silence.

After a few minutes Arthur finally opened the letter.

_Dearest Arthur_ ,

_It is with great sadness that I write this letter, not for the words within it but rather for the simple fact that I may never see you again._

_I am your Queen, and I am honoured to be so. Not a day goes by when I don't thank your kindness. But I am also your subject, and no subject should lie to their King, no matter the consequences._

_When I married you, Arthur, Camelot was in turmoil. Your father had passed away, civil war threatened the outer realm and you needed to firm up your position._ _A marriage was a brilliant way to win the hearts of your people and the support of your lords._

_It made sense for a King._

_But it didn't make sense for Arthur._

_I was so happy when you proposed to me and I doubt I will ever forget the day. I do love you, and I know you love me too. But love isn't as simple as that. Just as there are hundreds of shades of green in the leaves of a tree, or shades of brown in the dirt, or shades of red in the berry, so there are different shades of love._

_Our love is strong and it is special. But it is not what I deserve, and it is not what you deserve. _Camelot needed a Queen, but you never needed a wife._ _

_I have but one request, if you will grant it._

_Be true to yourself, Arthur. You deserve no better. _You can not be the warrior, the King, that Camelot needs you to be on the battle field if you are burdened by your own conscience.__

_Forever yours,_

_Gwen._

Sobbing gently, he stayed in his tent for another hour, rereading the letter. Slowly the tears disappeared, leaving a plan of action in their place. Arthur knew what he must do.

\--

"Have you seen my sword, Perce?" Merlin was at the end of his tether. Although marchers were never very organised affairs, his belongings seemed to have ended up all over the camp.

"You have a sword?" Percival replied, a wry smile on his lips. "What would you be needing a sword for?"

"We are going to war."

"Yeah, but a proper sword? You have to pick it up, you know, and you're not the strongest..."

"Fuck off, Perce, and just tell me." Merlin was not in the mood for jokes. That seemed to have been made clear, because Percival stopped his purposefully annoying smile.

"Sorry Merl. I don't know, there's a pile of swords over there though, might be worth looking through them."

"Thanks."

After rummaging through the pile - and cutting himself a few times - Merlin found his sword. It was nothing special, but he always felt safer with it around. He'd need to feel safe soon enough.

Returning to his tent, he noticed that the knights were watching an arm-wrestling competition.

_Perfect._

Merlin cautiously snook away from the camp, and disappeared through the trees. The urge to turn back was growing, so he broke into a run. He could feel Kinsley's magic now, pulling him in. Stopping for breath in a clearing, the wizard mentally assessed the situation and began to plan a route from a map he'd stolen.

A twig snapping distracted him from the exercise. Suddenly on full alert, he drew his sword and tried to identify the direction of the noise. He moved towards it, his heart beating and his hands shaking as he advanced.

"What are you doing?"

Merlin spun around at the voice from behind. He saw Arthur standing there, with a look of faint confusion on his face.

_Crap. Arthur can't know I'm sneaking off to face Kinsley. He wouldn't understand, he wouldn't trust me._

"I thought... a noise..."

"Yes, that was me." Arthur replied, coolly.

"Oh, I thought it came from over there." Merlin mumbled.

"I just wanted - why do you have your pack with you?"

"What? Oh, I... erm..."

"Were you planning on running away, Merlin?"

"No! No, I was just... going for a walk."

"A walk? Fucking hell Merlin, you're a bigger cunt than even I imagined."

"I wasn't -"

"To think I was going to - never mind. What was it, did it get a bit real? Did it get a bit fucking much for you Merlin?" Arthur was yelling now. Dressed in his full royal armour, he looked quite terrifying. "I have thousands of men willing to give their lives for this kingdom, against a foe they have no hope of defeating, and our one weapon, our one chance of not fucking everyone over, gets a bit panicky and decides to fuck off?"

"Arthur -"

"No, Merlin. No excuses. You're pathetic, you're a pathetic little boy who calls himself a wizard. You're a coward, you're a -"

"I WAS GOING TO STOP HIM."

Silence. Arthur stared at the wizard, scrutinising him.

"Just words..." The king muttered, shaking his head. He looked sad, Merlin thought, almost disappointed.  "Just words, nothing more."

"I was going to kill him, Arthur. I don't want to see your men die against a foe they can't fight. I don't want to see you die. It's like you said, I'm your one weapon, the rest of you really aren't necessary. So I thought I'd just cut out the middle-men, the war, the death, and I'd face him, wizard to wizard."

"What, and you were just going to march back afterwards and just tell everyone he was dead?"

"I... haven't packed enough for a return journey. I didn't think it would be necessary."

"Oh." Another silence. No longer awkward, but... strange. Arthur once again felt powerless in front of Merlin, but for completely different reasons now. Despite everything Arthur had put him through, Merlin's courage, his bravery, his dedication to his follow knights was astonishing. It occurred to Arthur that this is who Merlin really was, not the monster he'd thought.

"I'm sorry Merlin. I was wrong. I've got it all... wrong. I'm sorry, really."

"Thank you, Arthur." Merlin replied, holding back his tears. "Now, I'll be off."

"No."

"What?"

"Don't go, you can't. You're just one person, you can't fight an army." Arthur realised he was pleading. He reached a hand out to grab the wizard's shoulder.

Merlin tried to pull away, but Arthur's grip was strong. He smiled sadly at the King, unashamedly talking in every last feature of his face, every hair, every imperfection.

"Goodbye Arthur." With a flash of Merlin's eyes, the King was thrown across the clearing. Merlin turned away, took a deep breath and began to walk.

"Stop!" There was something in Arthur's voice, a royal command, that made him do so. "Stop hiding behind your magic, Merlin. Stop using it to push people away. Stop using it as an excuse to be selfish."

Merlin turned to face Arthur, who had pulled himself up and was advancing towards the wizard until they were less than a sword's length apart.

"I'm offering to kill myself to save you, to save Camelot. How is that possibly selfish?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me." Arthur replied. Before Merlin fully could comprehend the meaning of Arthur's words, the king was kissing him. It wasn't like any time before - this time, Merlin felt a connection, something told him this time it was right; inexplicably, undeniably, unrelentingly right.

For what seemed like an eternity, the two stood alone in the clearing, and kissed. Kissed away all the pent up anger, jealousy and hatred that had poisoned their relationship.

They kissed because they forgave each other. They kissed because they wanted to be forgiven. They kissed because they were finally free.

Minutes later, they broke away.

"Why now?" Merlin whispered.

"I've always felt differently towards you, Merlin." Arthur began. "I didn't always know what it was, but it's always been there. I called it a phase, a strong friendship, or maybe I was just a bit horny, but I've always... well, until you, did, you know, and then I didn't know what I felt any more. Your magic didn't work, Merlin, and I was awake the whole night. I wanted to move, I wanted run away, have you arrested, but I just lay there holding you. Then the morning came, and I felt you... blow me. I just lay there again, I just lay there and let it happen. You administered the potion but it quickly wore off. I remembered what you did, and what I didn't do.

I hated you, but I began to hate me more. Why couldn't I just say no, why didn't I stop you? I kept thinking about it, and I'd get hard and I'd hate you again. I kept thinking of what I'd do to you, to punish you... and then I did, in Portcullis Nook... it was so fucking hot Merlin, seeing you there like that. But the fact I enjoyed it so much disgusted me. I couldn't face the truth. It didn't even cross my mind.

Later I found out you... turned to Gwaine. The scullery maids see everything. I thought I was feeling anger. I went to confront you, I wanted to hurt you, but as soon as I saw you there I knew I was just... jealous. I realised what I was. I had never admitted it before, but I was... gay."

Merlin was speechless. It was all too much to take in. His plan, the start of this sorry affair, was unnecessary. He opened his mouth to reply, but Arthur continued.

"Please, just... hear me out. This is really, really difficult for me. Because of everything you've done to me... I still wanted to hate. I have spent so long focusing on hate... on hating you. And then I see you here, willing to die for me, willing to sacrifice everything you have for me... despite everything you've done, I love you. I love you, Merlin, and I only wish I'd realised it earlier. So I guess what I mean is, please don't leave me Merlin... please don't go to die. Just, stay with me and tell me that, well if you still do, tell me that -"

"I love you too, Arthur Pendragon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, I'm grateful for the kudos and comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is over - but will Merlin get his happy ever after?

"And that is how the battle was won." Arthur cried out to his people, in a field outside of the Camelot Castle. "Through valour, through honour, and through magic."

At that word the crowd once again broke out into a murmur, as it had done every time Arthur mentioned it. He had told his people how the the knights of Camelot had stood against the magical forces of Kinsley and had been repeatedly repelled. He had told his people how their forces were being pushed back but continuing to fight in the face of certain defeat. He had told his people how then, in their bleakest hour, when the enemy lines were reforming and all hope was lost, there was Merlin.

In great detail Arthur recounted how the wizard, dressed in his normal servant clothing with his dirty brown jacket blowing in the wind, suddenly appeared in the centre of the battlefield. Raising his hand and barking a single word, Merlin -  _pulled_ \- Kinsley from his tower overlooking the battle, and sent him crashing into the ground below. The death of their master sent the spectral beasts into a fury, and they charged the sorcerer, surrounding him fully. Merlin began a chant, appearing to hug himself tightly. For a moment all was still, save Merlin chanting. Suddenly, the wizard threw his hands out and sent forth a circle of flames that engulfed the creatures, their dying shrieks assaulting the ears of the knights who looked on in horror and confusion. Then, silence, until the cheers of the surviving men rose up and a new chant of 'Merlin!'.

"Magic is a tool." Arthur continued. "It is not good, nor is it evil. It is simply the extension of the will of the user, that can be used to do great things. I realise that now, and I hope you will be able to. Thus, from this day hence, magic will no longer be banned in Camelot. Those with magic who have hidden from the law in the past will be granted a full pardon, and have my sincerest apologies."

"It is because of the actions of one man that magic may be practised freely in Camelot. The actions of Merlin, who had to keep his magic secret for so long, whilst using it to serve and protect his King, have ushered in a new chapter in our history." To Arthur's surprise, the crowd began to clap and cheer. Glancing at the wizard, Arthur could see Merlin was blushing.

"I have no gift in my power to adequately thank Merlin for what he has done for me, but I will give what I can. Merlin, step forward."

Arthur had to force himself to not laugh at the confused expression on his servant's face. Pushed forward by Percival, Merlin hesitantly made his way towards his king, tripping over his own feet slightly. The crowd laughed warmly, as they would at an old friend.

"Kneel, Merlin." Arthur regally commanded, aware of the importance of a kingly appearance to the vast numbers of subjects gathered.

"Now -" Arthur spluttered as Merlin looked up at him from his kneeling position and  _winked_ at him.

_In front of the kingdom! I'm tempted to cut his head off instead now._

Resisting temptation, Arthur knighted his servant.

"Arise, Sir Merlin!" Arthur called, drawing more applause and cheering from the crowd. A chant of 'Merlin! Merlin' broke out, and took a few minutes to die down. At first embarrassed  Merlin soon grew to enjoy the attention, even creating some magical fireworks from his hand, which only served to boost the chants further.

Finally Arthur raised his hand, and got the silence he was waiting for. After knighting a few more brave men, and awarding Gwaine land for the bravery heshowed in battle, Arthur finished his speech and mingled with his people, before pardoning himself and leaving to prepare for the banquet.

\----

Merlin had spent the afternoon having a few drinks with Gaius in the tavern, telling him about the event of the past few weeks - although he left out the sex.  He was pretty sure Gaius didn't want to hear it, and he didn't want to tell him. Instead he made up something about Arthur catching him using magic, and being upset that Merlin has deceived him for so long. It was half-true, anyway.

Merlin felt like a changed man, reinvigorated. Telling Gaius (nearly) everything, being honest to his friend and mentor, removed the feeling of deceit that had haunted him for years. He no longer felt he was a fake, a fraud, worried that if his friends found out who he really was then they would abandon him.  After laughing about the whole situation, Merlin left to get ready for the evening's banquet.

Upon returning to his new quarters, he found a royal knight's uniform on his bed, and Queen Guinevere sitting an an armchair.

"I thought I should bring you this, Merlin. You will be expected to wear it tonight."

Merlin was lost for words, and what became an awkward fluster grew into an awkward silence.

"Merlin, it's ok. I understand. I've always understood. I want you to be happy. I want Arthur to be happy. And I want to be happy too."

"I'm sorry, Gwen." Merlin's short reply sounded hollow and mechanical to his ears, but it brought a surprising smile to the Queen's face.

"Don't be. We can't help who we fall in love with. All I know is that I was a serving girl before I met Arthur, and look at me now. Queen. I can never be ungrateful for that. I think I'll use this as a new start, to do what I want to do."

"What's that?" Merlin asked, unable to not feel guilty about the situation the Queen found herself in.

"I want to help those less fortunate than myself. I used to see women beaten in some taverns for sport, or some sold as trinkets or toys. I want to stop that - and if the Queen can't, who can? Yes, I loved Arthur, but the Arthur I loved wasn't the real Arthur, and I've accepted that long ago."

Something changed in the room, and Merlin saw Guinevere  _properly_ for the first time. She wasn't someone to be pitied, but a strong, intelligent woman who wanted to help those who needed it.

Before Merlin could respond, Gwen had stood up and held her hand out to him. He kissed it, and she left him alone.

\----

The banquet had passed quickly, with general merriment and celebrations. Merlin still couldn't stop himself laughing at Arthur's expression when he saw the wizard in his knight's uniform. Clearly unprepared for the sight, Arthur picked up his goblet of wine just as the wizard was announced to enter. Attempting to appear nonchalant and disinterested in Merlin's entrance, knowing it would annoy the wizard, he went to take a sip of wine. However, upon seeing Merlin he seemed to have forgotten all about this intention, and simply poured the liquid over his own crotch.

"Well, that's not the first time Merlin's given you a damp crotch, is it, sire?" Gwaine said to the King, unaware that the band had finished playing a song and the whole court heard his quip. The court broke out in laughter, as Gwaine turned a bright red.

Arthur, however, wasn't bothered he was being laughed at, or even that his relationship with Merlin was becoming an open secret... all he cared about was how good Merlin looked _._ Arthur waited patiently for Merlin to make his way to the King's table, but as the banquet continued the new knight was being constantly caught in conversation with one courtier or another. In fact, by the time the banquet had finished Arthur still hadn't spoken to the wizard. Instead, he caught Gwaine's eye and left the feast quietly.

\----

By his reckoning, Merlin had been listening to Sir Thomas for around fifteen minutes now, and was starting on his fourth glass of wine to get through the sheer torment of hearing about his statues. Each reason to be excused running through his mind was more extravagant than the previous, and each steadily less believable.  Finally, he settled on needing to go the toilet, annoyed that he'd not thought of such an excuse earlier. Merlin blamed the wine.

Finally free of Sir Thomas, Merlin scanned the room for Arthur, but the King was nowhere to be seen. His confusion was pushed aside by a sudden very real need to go the toilet. Merlin again blamed the wine. After relieving himself, Merlin made his way back to the feast determined to find Arthur. Before he could get back, however, he heard Gwaine call his name.

"Sir Merlin!" Gwaine teased, "what an honour to be in your presence! Everything seems to have worked out very well for you, hasn't it?"

Gwaine's taunting brought a smile to Merlin's face.

"It has indeed." Merlin replied, "but for every knight that rises, one must fall. You had best be wary, I may use my new influence to hurry your demise."

"Oh Sir Wizard, I humbly beg your apology." Gwaine continued, "if only there was a way I could make it up to you."

Suddenly Merlin was wary.  _Where is this leading?_

"That will not be necessary, Gwaine." Merlin replied, his good humour somewhat dented by the sudden turn of the conversation. Having just regained Arthur's trust, Merlin had no intention of losing it again. Ever.

"Oh Sir Merlin", Gwaine replied, adopting a sarcastic, over-dramatic sense of shock at which Merlin couldn't but help to smile at, "banish those thoughts from your head. No, but I do have a present for you. Something to congratulate you for your dramatic return to court."

_Well, I don't want to sleep with him, but I do want his presents._ Merlin could get used to being a knight.

"But first, I must place this blindfold on you." Gwaine continued, enjoying Merlin's concerned look. "It's meant to be a surprise, Merlin. Don't you trust me?"

"No!" Merlin retorted, but he allowed Gwaine to restrict his sight and guide him through the castle. After five minutes, Merlin was well and truly lost, sure that Gwaine had doubled back on himself at least once. After what seemed like an eternity, Gwaine said he could remove the blindfold.

Merlin could not believe his eyes.

Standing in front of the wizard was Arthur, naked except for the crown on his head, and sporting a very royal erection. A wordless groan of approving surprise escaped Merlin's lips. Just before Merlin threw himself on his king, Gwaine made his excuses to leave the King's chamber.

"Enjoy your present, Sir Merlin." Gwaine finished with a wink.

Catching Arthur's eye, Merlin raised an eyebrow. Arthur understood his suggestion, smirked in return and slightly nodded his head.

"Where do you think you're going Gwaine?" Arthur asked, in his most obnoxious regal tone.

"Well, sire, whilst you're busy pleasuring your new knight, your Queen lies in a cold bed. I was going to warm her up."

The incredulous look on Arthur's face  somehow managed to make him all the more attractive to Merlin.

"You'll pay for that Sir Gwaine." Arthur retorted, "But I'll let Merlin decide how."

A slow smile spread across Gwaine's face, as Merlin began to formulate a plan.

"Undress, Sir Gwaine." Merlin began. "And you can undress me, Sire."

Arthur wasted no time in ripping Merlin's clothes off, with both subjects ending up naked at the same time. The King and wizard turned to face Sir Gwaine, who was  _clearly_ enjoying the sight.

"Get on your knees," Merlin demanded, surprised at how quickly Gwaine was on the floor. Without even being asked he placed his hands on their arses and pushed their cocks towards his mouth, his wet warmth engulfing both heads at once. Twisting their chests towards one another, Arthur and Merlin began passionately kissing. The sensation of Gwaine's mouth and their heads rubbing together was like ecstasy, it had been a long time since either had been pleasured. Merlin found his hands grabbing Arthur's hair, pulling his head back and roughly kissing and biting Arthur's neck. Arthur let out a moan of pleasure at being treated in such a way, and Merlin could even feel the King's precum rubbing against his own dick, as Gwaine's tongue worked around the two.

Pulling out of Gwaine's mouth, Merlin turned and pushed Arthur towards the bed. The King landed on the edge of the bed, his body sprawled out, his cock gleaming with a mixture of Gwaine's spit and his own juices. Merlin pushed the King again, so his back was now laid out on the bed, and his feet were on the floor, leaving his whole body arched, pushing his erect cock towards the ceiling. Merlin dropped to his knees and began working on the cock himself. Gwaine climbed over the King and dropped his own cock into Arthur's mouth, thrusting slightly into the King's mouth. Merlin had missed the taste of Arthur, and began working his tongue up and down Arthur's shaft, taking his whole cock within his mouth. He felt a twinge of satisfaction when he heard a moan escape Arthur's busy mouth.

Looking up, he saw the King's muscular body stretched out on the bed, his hands gripping the bedsheets as his abs tensed to allow him to pleasure Gwaine. The sight of the King spread out like that drove Merlin insane with lust, his body aching to pleasure the King. He released Arthur's  length from his mouth and climbed onto the bed too, holding the two back posters of the bed for support, and then lowered himself down onto Arthur's cock.

Another surprised exclamation escaped Arthur's lips as he unexpectedly entered Merlin's tight entrance. Using leg muscles Merlin must have developed on the campaign trail, he provided the rhythm, slowly teasing Arthur with each downwards motion. This had the desired effect, with cries of 'Merlin', albeit muffled by Gwaine's length. Turning round, Gwaine noticed the young wizard's role-change.

"Well" he growled roughly, "this is hardly fair. Why is Merlin getting fucked and I'm left out?"

"I'm sure we can find a solution." Arthur groaned, signalling for Merlin to come to him. Merlin twisted around - with Arthur's full length within him - causing another aroused cry, and was pushed back onto the King by Gwaine. Now it was Merlin's cock being offered up, and Gwaine took up Merlin's position, his muscles tensed as he took it all. The dark-haired knight began to pleasure Merlin with his own hole, the sensation of fucking Gwaine and the feeling of having Arthur in him driving the wizard crazy.

Sprawled out over Arthur, Merlin felt the King's hands wander over his body, first down to the base of his cock, then onto Gwaine's arse and feeling the muscles in the knight's legs. Watching Arthur feel another man made Merlin even more aroused, and he began to thrust into Gwaine, simultaneously pleasuring his King. Arthur's hands had returned to Merlin's body, running up his lean torso to his hair, with Arthur repeating Merlin's move of pulling his head back and roughly kissing the wizard's neck. The pleasure began to swell up in Merlin, who started thrusting heavily into Gwaine and onto Arthur, and their cries mixed together to create a sound of pure arousal. Watching Gwaine, with his eyes closed, Merlin reached over and began wanking the knight off. Arthur's hands were roaming his body once again, his touch leaving a trail of arousal blazing in his mind. Arthur's hands were back around the base of Merlin's cock, pushing the wizard's hips down onto his dick, forcing the whole length in further than Merlin had ever taken it before.

Merlin could feel his need to release building up within him, and feeling Arthur kissing and biting his ear was too much to take. He began to pump Gwaine's cock harder, and increase the speed of his hip movements.

"Merlin, I'm going to cum if you keep doing that." Gwaine moaned breathlessly.

"That's the point." Merlin replied, a cheeky smile on his face which was quickly wiped out by the sexual pleasure he was experiencing.

"I'm not close yet, Merlin." Arthur whispered in his ear, the sound bringing the wizard even closer to orgasm. Merlin responded silently by clenching his entrance tighter, and was rewarded with a moan of 'better'.

Merlin continued to move his hips, his rhythm in sync with Arthur and Gwaine, the three increasing their speed and intensity. Gwaine's moans became loader, almost shouting with pleasure, whilst Arthur was repeating  'fuck yes' at what seemed like the top of his lungs. Merlin's moans were quieter, the sheer intensity of the sensations he felt controlling his body.

"I'm going to cum!" Merlin cried, followed by the release of sexual energy as he blew into Gwaine's hole, continuing to thrust to fully empty himself.  Feeling the wizard unload in him, Gwaine was pushed over the edge and shot all over Merlin's chest and Arthur's hands. Arthur gripped Merlin tightly and pushed himself up in one powerful, deep move that pushed the King into orgasm, letting out a roar as he burst into Merlin. Gwaine collapsed on the bed next to Arthur, as Merlin slipped between the two.

The three lay there for a few minute, a sweaty, grunting mess, covered in their own seed. Then, Gwaine stood up.

"That was... good." He smiled at the couple left on the bed, as he began to put his clothes back on. "Let me know if you want a repeat run." With a wink, Gwaine was gone.

A long, comfortable silence engulfed the couple, as they lay there in each other's arms, finally able to be true about how they felt.

Merlin had felt nothing like this level of contentedness before. He was, quite simply, happy. There was just one thing left on his mind.

"Arthur, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about -"

"It's ok Merlin." Arthur cut in, with no hint of anything other than kindness and warmth in his voice. He then kissed Merlin on the lips, a deep, romantic kiss that made Merlin forget where he was.

"We've got a new start Merlin, from today. Everything else is just better best forgotten."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's that - please let me know if you liked it, I really enjoyed writing it! If you have any suggestions for future fics, let me know!


End file.
